’Oh no, Philip—he is very clever, but too young. I should not like to have Mr. Knight here about me. But I assure you, it is nothing!—I mean there is nothing really the matter with me. It used to be said that I had all the _physique_ of us two sisters, and Janet all the _verve_.’
’I wish you to have proper advice. You understand. I wish it.’
’Then, Philip, I will let anyone you like come and see me, or I will go to anyone you recommend.’
’I have no knowledge of doctors,’ he said almost contemptuously.
’If I might have a choice——’ she hesitated.
’There is Mr. John Dale; he was dear Uncle Jeremiah’s best friend, and he is Janet’s guardian. I always liked him, and he knows about us sisters. Besides, I do want to see him and ask him what he thinks about Janet; but he is a long way off, he is at Bridlington. If you think it would be extravagant sending so far, I would go myself gladly and see him. Indeed, I dare say the journey would do me good.’
’Very well,’ said Philip, ’I’ll telegraph for Mr. Dale.’
’And then,’ added Salome, ’if you do not object, he can overhaul baby and see that the darling is sound as a bell. But—there is no need at all to telegraph. I know quite well what is the matter with me. It is nothing that any doctor can cure.’
’I have had a good deal to worry me, to make me unhappy. I cannot sleep, I am always thinking. I can see no way out of the trouble. If there were the tiniest thread to which I could lay hold, then I should soon be well—but there is none. It reminds me of what I have read about the belief the North American Indians have concerning their origin. They were, they say, once in a vast black abyss in the centre of the earth, and there were tiny fibres hanging from the roof, and some of them laid hold of these fibres, and crawled up them, and following them came to the surface of earth and saw the sun, but others never touched a depending thread, and they wander on in timeless darkness, without a prospect, and without cognizance of life.’
’And I am like these, only with this pang, that I have been in the light. No—there is no fibre hanging down for me.’
She spoke timidly, and in a tone of half inquiry.
’Philip, you must believe my word when I say that I never knew till the night before you heard it, that I was not what it had been given out I was.’