The bible asks us, "what will it proffitt a man, if he gain the whole world and loze hiz own soul?" i suppose this depends sumwhat upon the size ov the soul, i think thare are kases whare the trade would do.
The term "skunked," which we often hear applied tew them that gits beat, waz diskovered in this wa: a Radikal and a Conservatiff, went out hunting skunks. The Radikal diskovered one at sum distanse off and without trieing tew git nearer, drew up his musquet, and shot him ded. The Consarvatiff undertook tew ketch his skunk alive, and the konsequents waz, he got--skunked.
The old proverb sez, "Giv the Devil his due!" if this is put thru, what will bekum ov yu, mi friend? and the rest ov the--nabors?
"Man was made tew mourn," so warbled Burns, "and woman was made tew kiss," so warbles Billings. One ov these centiments haz bin alreddy immortalised, and the other i intend shall be as soon as the Legislater meets. I am not yet lusid how i shall bring the matter befoar that honorabil boddy; but i dew kno how the honorabel boddy feals on the subject, and how tha will act if ever tha hav a good chanse. To give a fertile and golden opinyun, upon kissing in the lump, and kissing in the detale, requires a man ov truth, and sum experiense in tasteing.
Kissing iz one ov those fu things that is easier dun than deskribed; in fack, about the onla way tew deskribe it well is tew do it well. It iz, without doubt, a verry anshunt enterprise; and judgeing from what we kno ov human natur in this latitude, it must hav struk Adam as a good investment when he fust diskovered hiz wife. If Adam didn't kiss Eve at sight he aint the man i take him tew be; and if Eve didn't relish it, it must hav bin bekause it want well did. Thare iz one thing about kissing in the lump, diffrent from the rest ov the fine arts and that iz, it don't require enny eddikashun tew dew it; i hav even thort that the more unedikated it waz did (provided it didn't miss the mark) the more touching it was tew behold. But kissing is a good deal like eating; thare is not much fun (when a person iz hungry) in standing by, and see it did bi anuther fellow, if it iz did ever so well. It is one ov the cheapess and healthyess luxurys ov the season, and don't sho enny disposishun tew go out ov fashion, and will keep sweet in enny climate. Upon the whole, if yu examine kissing in the lump, clussly, yu will be led tew exclaim: Fustly, that it iz as easy tew hav it did, az it is handy tew dew it. Sekundly, that it is like Cowpers tea, it cures a man without corning him; and, Thirdly, it is a frugal, highly consentrated, and reverend luxury.
