"Would," said he, as he drew the bill, "My father were alive; Ten pounds of solder at ten cents, $1.75!"
The Jones had houses many on The avenues and squares, And hired the young Avenger Smith To see to the repairs, And Smith put faucets in, and cocks, And meters, eke, and taps, Connections, T-joints, sewer pipes, Basins and water-traps; He tore the walls and ripped the floors To reach the pipes beyond, And excavations in the street And 'neath the side-walk yawned; And daily as he entered up The items in his book The plumber's face wore a serene And retrospective look. And Jones would wring his hands and cry, "Woe, woe, and utter woe! Ah me! that taxes should be so high And rents should be so low!" Then he would give the Smith the house As instalment on account Of its repairs, and notes of hand For the rest of the amount.
Now Smith had been for a dozen years In the practical plumbing line, And the bills of Smith did not grind slow, And they ground extremely fine. Terrace by terrace, house by house, The lands of Jones he took, And heavier still the balance was Writ in that fatal book. At last, no property nor cash Had he, so he did fail, And the avenging plumber locked Him up in Ludlow Jail. His heartless creditor he besought For mercy in his need. "Nay, nay, no mercy, lie and rot," Quoth he, "in jail, like Tweed. For I have sworn avenged to be On thee, thy kin and kith; Rememberest thou Belinda Jane? I am the son of Smith!!!"
A Venetian Merchant who was lolling in the lap of luxury was accosted upon the Rialto by a friend who had not seen him for many months. "How is this?" cried the latter. "When I last saw you your gaberdine was out at elbows, and now you sail in your own gondola." "True," replied the Merchant, "but since then I have met with serious losses, and been obliged to compound with my creditors for ten cents on the dollar."
_Moral._--Composition is the life of trade.
An Elephant had been endeavouring to rive the bole of a knotted oak with his trunk, but the tree closed upon that member, detaining it, and causing the hapless _Elphas Africanus_ intense pain. He shook the forest with his trumpeting, and all the beasts gathered around him. "Ah, ha, my friend," said a pert Chimpanzee, "you have got your trunk checked, I see." "My children," said a temperate Camel to her young, "let this awful example teach you to shun the bole." "Does it hurt much?" said a compassionate Gnu. "Ah, it does; it does; it must; I gnu it; I have been a mother myself." And while they were sympathising with him the unfortunate Elephant expired in great agony.