"All work and no pay makes JACK a striking boy."
"All pay and no work makes JACK'S employer go without a shirt."
During the recent tropical weather, Mrs. R. observed that it was the only time in her life when she would have given anything "just to have got a little cold."
_Man with Sand Ponies._ "NOW THEN, MISTER, YOU AN' THE YOUNG LADY, A PONY APIECE? 'ERE Y'ARE!"
_Snobley (loftily)._ "AW--I'M NOT ACCUSTOMED TO THAT CLASS OF ANIMAL."
_Man (readily)._ "AIN'T YER, SIR? NE' MIND." (_To Boy._) "'ERE, BILL, LOOK SHARP! GENT'LL HAVE A DONKEY!"]
[A publisher writes to _The Author_ to say that, for the first time in his experience, the writer of a book which was not a success has sent him an unsolicited cheque to compensate him for the loss he has sustained by producing it.]
_Publisher (nastily)._ I tell you that it's no earthly use your asking about profits, because there are none.
_Author (amazed)._ No profits! And you really mean to tell me that the public has not thought fit to purchase my shilling work of genius--_The Maiming of Mendoza?_ By our agreement only a paltry six thousand copies of the work had to be bought before my royalty of a penny a volume began.
_Publisher._ I am quite aware of it. The sale of the six thousand copies would just about have repaid us for cost of production. As a matter of fact, only three thousand have been sold. We've lost heavily, and very much regret we were ever induced to accept the work.
_Author._ And you really ask me to believe that after such a sale as that a loss on your part is possible? Why, if you take price of printing at----
[_Goes elaborately into cost of production._
_Publisher._ Yes, but you see the price of everything has gone up in our trade. Binding is now ten per cent. dearer, composing is----
[_Also goes into precise and prolonged details._
_Author (turning desperate at last)._ Oh, let us end this chatter! You really say that no cheque whatever is due to me for all my labours?
_Publisher._ Not a single penny. It's the other way about.
_Author (leaving)._ And you call this "the beneficial system of royalties," do you? Good day! And if I don't set the Society of Authors at you before I am a day older, then my name's not BULWER MAKEPEACE DEFOE SMITH!