Mrs. J. having gotten her game bagged, left it in the dark, and retired to her bed-chamber. Some of the servants, hearing a noise in the basement, got up, stuck their noses out of their rooms, and being convinced that a desperate scoundrel was in the house, raised the very old boy. Poor Jones, in his efforts to get out, run over pots, pans, and chairs, and through him and the servants, the police were alarmed! lights were raised, and Jones was arrested for a burglar!
Never was a man better pleased to find himself in his own domicil, than Jones! It was all Greek to the watchmen and servants; it was a mysterious matter to Jones for a full fortnight--but upon promise of ever after spending his new year's at home, Mrs. J. let the cat out of the bag. Jones surrendered!
We know several folks who have a way of beating round and boxing the compass, from A to Z, and back again, that fairly knocks us into smithereens. One of these characters came to us the other day, and in a most mysterious manner, with the utmost earnestness, solemnity, and _hocus pocus_, says he--
"Cap'n, (winking,) I wanted to see you--(two winks;) the fact of the business is, (wink, nod, and double wink,) I've wanted to see you, badly; you see, I-a--well, what I-a (two winks)--was about to remark (two nods and a short cough),--that is to say, it don't make much matter, if-a--(wink, wink, wink;) you see it was in this way, I-a--wanted to--a, to tell you that (dreadful lot of winks) I've been--not, to be sure, that it's an uncommon-a thing, (nod, cough, and forty winks,) but no doubt if I-a--the fact is--"
"Well, what in thunder and rosin is _the fact_, old boy?" says we.
"The fact is, cap'n, I'd a told you at once, but-a--I don't know why I--shouldn't tho', (wink on wink,) _have you got two shillings you won't want to use to-day_?"
"Ha, ha!" said Uncle Joe Blinks, as the subject of summer travel, a jaunt somewhere, was being discussed among the regular boarders in Mrs. Bamberry's spacious old-fashioned parlors; "Ha! ha! ha! ladies, did Mrs. Bamberry ever tell you of _my_ tour to Saratogy Springs?--last summer was two years."
"No," said several of us _neuter genders_ who had repeatedly heard all about it, but were desirous that those who had not been thus gratified, especially the ladies, and particularly a Miss Scarlatina, who was _dieting_ for a tour to the famed Springs--"tell us all about it, Major."