I go to Sing Sing public school, Where naughty boys are sometimes sent, Receiving as a general rule A goodly share of punishment.
I try so hard to do what’s right, I study long and never play; Why then have I this wretched plight That they should “keep me in” all day?
It is natural for a man to strive for perpetual success; but we, who are to lose our lives, should bear lesser misfortunes with greater fortitude than is expressed by this poet. The editor is not in sympathy with his contributor:
When I play chess with other boys, It’s one of all my dearest joys To hear them rant and storm and tear, If by my skilfulness and care They should the losers be. Sometimes I am not feeling well, Since I the “honest truth” must tell, And though you would not think they’d dare, I’m walloped well. Gosh! how I swear! If they should checkmate me.
In an early issue a gem of an epigram appeared, and straightway epigrams became the mode—we all affected them. The vogue was hard while it lasted. A dozen times a day I was assured over the wireless telephone (Nature’s) that Bill or Mike or another had a “bird” for the next issue. Here are some of them.
This one was the “first offence.” If you like it, it is mine; but of course if any one is going to get mad about it, then another fellow, one of the dead ones, was its author. Is not its sentiment exquisite?
AN EPITAPH WHICH CANNOT BE USED TOO SOON.
Here lies a judge, whose last words I indite: “I’ll go to Heaven—I’ll go this very night.” He died as with himself he yet conversed; _As usual_—his decision was reversed.
Another of great beauty and singularly apt. I have a shrewd suspicion that it refers to the same person:
His Honor is wrong, in error, unwise. He blunders in every case that he tries; With “Wisdom” he will not compromise. So I asked him the reason why. The judge replied, after due reflection, “To ‘Wisdom’ I have a good objection: She had nothing to do with my election.” “I agree with you,” said I.
Still another, evidently referring to the same respected jurist. It is a lofty and improving message from the Bench. I am very partial to this one:
I’ve changed my mind. Oh, no, I haven’t! Did I? What? I charged that way? No, indeed! I did! I mean that I said, No. Yes, Yes! I did not. Then I will charge it. What? My meaning hid? My former rulings? I forget them, curse it! My opinion is not quite clear, and I reverse it!