773. Among the addresses presented upon the accession of James the First, was one from the ancient town of Shrewsbury, wishing his majesty might reign as long as the sun, moon, and stars endured. Faith, mon, said the king to the person who presented it, if I do, my son must reign by candlelight.
774. A Frenchman meeting an English soldier with a Waterloo medal, began sneeringly to animadvert on our government for bestowing such a trifle, which did not cost them three francs. That is true, to be sure, replied the hero, it did not cost the English government three francs, but it cost the French a Napoleon.
775. Collins the poet, though of a melancholy cast of mind, was by no means averse to a _jeu de mot_, or quibble. Upon coming into a town the day after a young lady, of whom he was fond, had left it, he said, How unlucky it was that he had come a day after the fair.
776. A negro in Jamaica was tried for theft, and ordered to be flogged. He begged to be heard, which being granted, he asked, If white man buy stolen goods, why he be no flogged too? Well, said the judge, so he would. Dere den, replied Mungo, is my massa; he buy tolen goods―he knew me tolen, and yet he buy me.
777. Some sailors, who had made a great deal of prize-money, once determined on purchasing a horse for the use of the mess; accordingly, one of them was pitched upon to buy the horse. As soon as this honest tar got on shore, he went to a noted horse-dealer, who brought out a very clever-looking horse for the sailor’s inspection, which he particularly recommended to him, as being a nice, short-backed horse. Ay, that may be, said the sailor, and that is the very reason he won’t do, for there is seven of us.
778. The late Dr. Glover, well known for being one of the best companions in the world, was returning from a tavern one morning early, across Covent Garden, when a chairman cried out, A chair! your honour, a chair! Glover took no notice, but called his dog, who was a good way behind, Scrub, Scrub, Scrub! Och, indeed! says the chairman, there goes a pair o’ ye! The facetious doctor gave his countryman half-a-crown for the merry witticism.
779. A nabob, in a severe fit of the gout, told his physician that he suffered the pains of the damned. The doctor coolly answered, What, already!