With reference to the horse that recently refused at the third jump and ran back to the starting-post, we are asked to say that this only proves the value of backing horses both ways.
"No man," says a writer in a daily paper, "can sit down and see a girl standing in a crowded Tube train." This no doubt accounts for so many men closing their eyes whilst travelling.
Mr. DEVLIN, M.P., has communicated to the Press a scheme for solving the Irish problem. This is regarded by Irish politicians generally as a dangerous precedent.
A defendant in a County Court case heard in London last week stated in his evidence that two of his daughters were working and the other was a typist at the Peace Conference.
[Illustration: "HOW PLEASANT IT IS, MY DEAR HORACE, TO PLAY WITH ONE'S TOYS WITHOUT INCURRING THE RISK OF HAVING ONE'S ENJOYMENT MARRED BY THE TRAGIC DISCOVERY OF THEIR TEUTONIC ORIGIN!"]
"Do you buy Tea, or do you buy _our_ Tea?"
"Should a customer cut his hair and shave at the same time, the price will be one shilling."--_Advt. in "Daily Gleaner" (Jamaica)_.
Not a bit too much for such ambidexterity.
I thought the cruel wound was whole Which left my inside so dyspeptic; That Time had salved this tortured soul, Time and Oblivion's antiseptic; That thirty years (the period since You showed a preference for Another) Had fairly schooled me not to wince At being treated like a brother.
When last I saw the shape I wooed In coils of adipose embedded, Fondling its eldest offspring's brood (The image of the Thing you wedded), I placed my hand upon the seat Of those affections you had riven And gathered from its steady beat That your offence had been forgiven.
And now, to my surprise and pain, Long past the stage of convalescence, The wound has broken out again With symptoms of pronounced putrescence; And, from the spot where once was laid Your likeness treasured in a locket, The trouble threatens to invade A tenderer place--my trouser pocket.
For AUSTEN (such is rumour's tale), Faced with a rude financial deadlock, Is bent on mulcting every male Who shirks the privilege of wedlock; With such a hurt Time cannot deal, And Lethe here affords no tonic; Nothing but Death can hope to heal What looks as if it must be chronic.