These went apart, and were looked upon to be neither fish nor flesh nor good red-herring. They wore the name of Christians; but they had neither the wit nor the honesty of pagans. For they content themselves with the pleasures of this life, because they know no better. But the hypocrite, that’s instructed both in the life temporal and eternal, lives without either comfort in the one, or hope in the other; and takes more pains to be damned than a good Christian does to compass his salvation. In short, we went on our way in discourse. The rich followed their wealth, and the poor the rich; begging there what Providence had denied them. The stubborn and obstinate went away by themselves, for they would hear nobody that was wiser than themselves, but ran huddling on, and pressed still to be foremost. The magistrates drew after them all the solicitors and attorneys. Corrupt judges were carried away by passion and avarice. And vain and ambitious princes trailed along with them principalities and commonwealths. There were a world of clergy upon this road too. And I saw one full regiment of soldiers there, which would have been brave fellows indeed, if they had but been half so good at praying and fighting, as they were at swearing. Their whole discourse was of their adventures, how narrowly they came off at such an assault; what wounds they received upon t’other breach; and then what a destruction they made at such a time, of mutton and poultry. But all they said came in at one ear and went out at t’other. “Don’t you remember, sirrah,” says one, “how we clawed it away at such a place!” “Yes, ye damned rogue you,” cries t’other, “when you were so drunk you took your aunt for the bawd.” These and such as these were the only exploits they could truly brag of.
While they were upon these glorious rhodomontades, certain generous spirits from the right-hand way, that knew what they were, by the boxes of passports, testimonials, and recommendations they wore at their girdles, cried out to them, as if it had been to an attack: “Fall on, fall on, my lads, and follow me. This, this is the path of honour, and if you were not poltroons you would not quit it for fear of a hard march, or an ill lodging. Courage comrades; and be assured that this combat well fought makes all your fortunes, and crowns ye for ever. Here, ye shall be sure both of pay and reward, without casting the issue of all your hazards and hopes upon the empty promises of princes. How long will ye pursue this trade of blood and rapine? And accustom your ears and tongues to the tragical outcries of, Burn; No quarter; Kill, or Die. It is not pay, or pillage, but Virtue that’s a brave man’s recompense. Trust to her, and she’ll not deceive ye. If it be the war ye love, come to us; bear arms on the right side, and we’ll find you work. Do not you know that man’s life is a warfare? That the world, the flesh, and the devil, are three vigilant enemies? And that it is as much as his soul is worth, to put himself, but for one minute, out of his guard. Princes tell ye, that your bloods and your lives are theirs, and that to shed the one, and lose the other, in their service, is no obligation, but a duty. You are still however to look to the cause; wherefore turn head, and come along with us, and be happy.” The soldiers heard all this with exceeding patience and attention; but the brand of cowardice had such an effect upon them, that without any more ado, like men of honour, they presently quitted the road; drew; and as bold as lions, charged headlong into a tavern.