A blackness passing to lividness crossed his face. He fetched a big breath.
‘Then finish my history, shut up the book; I am a phantom of a man, and everything written there is imposture! I can account for all that she has done hitherto, but not that she should refuse to see me. Not that she should refuse to see me now when I come armed to demand it! Refuse? But I have done my work, done what I said I would do. I stand in my order of battle, and she refuses? No! I stake my head on it! I have not a clod’s perception, I have not a spark of sense to distinguish me from a flat-headed Lapp, if she refuses:--call me a mountebank who has gained his position by clever tumbling; a lucky gamester; whatever plays blind with chance.’
He started up in agitation. ‘Lucie! I am a grinning skull without a brain if that girl refuses! She will not.’ He took his hat to leave, adding, to seem rational to the cool understanding he addressed: ‘She will not refuse; I am bound to think so in common respect for myself; I have done tricks to make me appear a rageing ape if she--oh! she cannot, she will not refuse. Never! I have eyes, I have wits, I am not tottering yet on my grave--or it’s blindly, if I am. I have my clear judgement, I am not an imbecile. It seems to me a foolish suspicion that she can possibly refuse. Her manners are generally good; freakish, but good in the main. Perhaps she takes a sting... but there is no sting here. It would be bad manners to refuse; to say nothing of... she has a heart! Well, then, good manners and right feeling forbid her to refuse. She is an exceedingly intelligent girl, and I half fear I have helped you to a wrong impression of her. You will really appreciate her wit; you will indeed; believe me, you will. We pardon nonsense in a girl. Married, she will put on the matron with becoming decency, and I am responsible for her then; I stand surety for her then; when I have her with me I warrant her mine and all mine, head and heels, at a whistle, like the Cossack’s horse. I fancy that at forty I am about as young as most young men. I promise her another forty manful working years. Are you dubious of that?’
‘I nod to you from the palsied summit of ninety,’ said the baroness.