It must have been about this time that Anne composed her last verses, before "the desk was closed, and the pen laid aside for ever."
"I hoped that with the brave and strong My portioned task might lie; To toil amid the busy throng, With purpose pure and high.
"But God has fixed another part, And He has fixed it well: I said so with my bleeding heart, When first the anguish fell.
"Thou God, hast taken our delight, Our treasured hope, away; Thou bid'st us now weep through the night And sorrow through the day.
"These weary hours will not be lost, These days of misery,-- These nights of darkness, anguish-tost,-- Can I but turn to Thee.
"With secret labour to sustain In humble patience every blow; To gather fortitude from pain, And hope and holiness from woe.
"Thus let me serve Thee from my heart, Whate'er may be my written fate; Whether thus early to depart, Or yet a while to wait.
"If Thou should'st bring me back to life, More humbled I should be; More wise--more strengthened for the strife, More apt to lean on Thee.
"Should death be standing at the gate, Thus should I keep my vow; But, Lord, whatever be my fate, Oh let me serve Thee now!"
I take Charlotte's own words as the best record of her thoughts and feelings during all this terrible time.
"I read Anne's letter to you; it was touching enough, as you say. If there were no hope beyond this world,--no eternity, no life to come,--Emily's fate, and that which threatens Anne, would be heart-breaking. I cannot forget Emily's death-day; it becomes a more fixed, a darker, a more frequently recurring idea in my mind than ever. It was very terrible. She was torn, conscious, panting, reluctant, though resolute, out of a happy life. But it WILL NOT do to dwell on these things.
"I am glad your friends object to your going with Anne: it would never do. To speak truth, even if your mother and sisters had consented, I never could. It is not that there is any laborious attention to pay her; she requires, and will accept, but little nursing; but there would be hazard, and anxiety of mind, beyond what you ought to be subject to. If, a month or six weeks hence, she continues to wish for a change as much as she does now, I shall (D. V.) go with her myself. It will certainly be my paramount duty; other cares must be made subservient to that. I have consulted Mr. T----: he does not object, and recommends Scarborough, which was Anne's own choice. I trust affairs may be so ordered, that you may be able to be with us at least part of the time. . . . Whether in lodgings or not, I should wish to be boarded. Providing oneself is, I think, an insupportable nuisance. I don't like keeping provisions in a cupboard, locking up, being pillaged, and all that. It is a petty, wearing annoyance."