Could he have been honored with a lofty commission, Montezuma Moggs might have set forth to a revel in the halls of his namesake; but as one of the rank and file, he could not think of it. And in private conversation with his sneering friend Quiggens, to whose captiousness and criticism Moggs submitted, on the score of the cigars occasionally derivable from that source, he ventured the subjoined remarks relative to his military dispositions:
"What I want," said Moggs, "is a large amount of glory, and a bigger share of pay--a man like me ought to have plenty of both--glory, to swagger about with, while the people run into the street to stare at Moggs, all whiskers and glory--and plenty of pay, to make the glory shine, and to set it off. I wouldn't mind, besides, if I did have a nice little wound or two, if they've got any that don't hurt much, so that I might have my arm in a sling, or a black patch on my countenance. But if I was only one of the rank and file, I'm very much afraid I might have considerable more of knocks that would hurt a great deal, than I should of either the pay or the glory--that's what troubles me in the milentary way. But make me a gineral, and then, I'll talk to you about the matter--make me a gineral ossifer, with the commission, and the feathers, and the cocked-hat--plenty of pay, and a large slice of rations--there's nothing like rations--and then I'll talk to you like a book. Then I'll pledge you my lives, and my fortunes, and my sacred honors--all of 'em--that I will furnish the genus whenever it is wanted--genus in great big gloves, monstrous long boots, and astride of a hoss that scatters the little boys like Boston, whenever I touch the critter with my long spurs, to astonish the ladies. Oh, get out!--do you think I couldn't play gineral and look black as thunder, for such pay as ginerals get? I'd do it for half the money, and I'd not only do it cheaper, but considerable better than you ever see it done the best Fourth of July you ever met with. At present, I know I've not much rations, and no money at all--money's skurse--but as for genus--look at my eye--isn't genus there?--observation my nose--isn't it a Boneyparte?--aint I sevagerous about the mouth?--I tell you, Quiggens, there's whole lots of a hero in this little gentleman. I've so much genus that I can't work. When a man's genus is a workin' in his upper story, and mine always is, then his hands has to be idle, so's not to interrupt his genus."