And then one day, standing by him closely, I made the humiliating discovery--as humiliating to me as to him--that the date of the protruding copy of _The Times_ was a year or so past, and, looking more narrowly at the paper itself, I realised that it had been folded thus for months and months and months ...
Innocent deception! I wish I had never detected it, and I am glad to think that the gallant old gentleman never knew that it was pierced. But how comforting it is to know that he was well in his grave before the great revolution of this month set in, to reduce his proof of gentility to a penny, and thus reducing it, to render it invalid evermore!
"IS THAT RIGHT, CHARLIE, 'AS YOUR MISSUS 'ITS YOU WIV A FLAT-IRON?"
"ER--YUS--BUT ONLY WITH THE BLUNT END OF IT."]
"General Bakery and Confectionery. We carry a large stock in both lines. Get the Richardson Bread habit. It will tickle you."
War vessels were distributed to the troops to-day in the Piazza Pledisato."
Much better to have stuck to the first idea and given them medals.
"Going up a good water they rowed a minute at 32, but otherwise were only waddling."--_Yorkshire Evening Post._
[Illustration: _Recruiting Sergeant._ "NOW, I CAN TELL CHARACTER WHEN I SEE IT, SO MARK MY WORDS. IF YOU JOIN NOW YOU'LL BE A SWANKIN' GENERAL IN FIVE YEARS."]
["Lord Northcliffe rarely sees and never reads a letter, being mainly nowadays engaged in golf and travel."--_Daily Mail._]
Nothing is more curious in the journalistic world than the widespread illusion which prevails as to the nature of Mr. Larvin's editorial activities. The common view is that he writes nineteen columns in every issue of the _Sunday Swerver_, besides contributing a leading article, seven leaderettes, three reviews and a "special" political manifesto to each number of the _Pale Mail Gazette._ As a matter of fact nothing could be wider of the mark. Mr. Larvin for many years has taken a detached and dispassionate view of politics, devoting the greater part of his time to collecting Egyptian papyri, and playing squash racquets, at which he is remarkably proficient. Although he occasionally inspires a paragraph in one or other of the papers mentioned, he hardly ever comes to either office, and is not even known by sight to the office boys.