"Gentlemen, I have to-day to offer you some of the choicest articles of furniture that have ever come under my hammer, and I will but express the hope that you have brought with you plenty of money to buy with, and plenty of pluck to bid with, and proceed to business. Jim, move that chest of drawers forward, so that the gentlemen can see it. There, gentlemen, what do you say to that? a piece of furniture that would give a distinguished appearance to the meanest bedchamber--best cabinetmaker's work too. Shall we say five pounds for the chest of drawers? What, no bidders? Well, start it at what you like--say ten shillings for this magnificent piece of furniture--twelve shillings--fourteen shillings--one pound bid in two places--this remarkably handsome specimen of cabinetmaker's work going for one pound--twenty-five shillings bid," &c. &c., until it was finally knocked down for fifty shillings. The next thing disposed of was a clock, and then a sewing-machine was put up, which was just the thing I knew my wife wanted.
"Gentlemen," said the auctioneer, "the sewing-machine I now have to offer to you is the property of a widow lady in distressed circumstances. I will with your permission read a letter I received from her at the time the machine was forwarded to me, and I am confident that you will sympathise with this poor bereaved lady, who has not only had the misfortune to lose her husband, but is now, alas! about to lose her sewing-machine!" He then read the letter, the contents of which I have forgotten, though I recollect it stated that the machine was a "Wheeler and Wilson" in good order.
"Gentlemen," continued the auctioneer, "I am sure the letter I have just read must have excited feelings of compassion in each manly breast. Show it by bidding freely for the widow--or rather, I mean for the widow's sewing-machine. Shall we start it at a pound? What! no bid at a pound? Where are your bowels of compassion, gentlemen? Well, say ten shillings--ten shillings for a 'Wheeler and Wilson' sewing-machine--fifteen shillings for this splendid piece of mechanism--sixteen shillings offered--sixteen shillings for a beautiful widow's sewing-machine--seventeen shillings offered--eighteen shillings in two places for the widow--nineteen shillings--in perfect working order--one pound offered for this beautiful machine of a lone widow in good working order one pound two and six offered--any advance on one pound two and six?"