"But the papers has said right straight along that money would win this war, Mawruss," Abe said.
"Yes, and it could lose it, too, according to the way it is spent," Morris continued, "and particularly right now when money can still buy things which the government needs for the soldiers, y'understand, money is a dangerous article in the hands of some people who think that the feller which don't feel the high price of sugar is more privileged to eat it than the feller which could barely afford it."
"Even so," Abe remarked, "it seems to me that not spending money must be an easy way to be patriotic."
"And some fellers is just natural-born patriots that way," Morris added, "and if they ain't, y'understand, the war is going to make them. It's going to give the rich man the same chance to be a good sitson as the poor man, and it's made a fine start by taking the lights off of Broadway so that you couldn't tell it from a respectable street, like Lexington Avenue."
"Couldn't a street be lighted up and still be respectable?" Abe asked.
"Yes, and a rich man could spend his money foolishly and also be respectable," Morris agreed, "but not in war-times."
POTASH AND PERLMUTTER ON THE PEACE PROGRAM, INCLUDING THE ADDED EXTRA FEATURE AND THE SUPPER TURN
"It seems that this here Luxberg, the German representative in Argentine which sent them _spurlos versenkt_ letters, has been crazy for years, Mawruss," Abe Potash said, one morning in January.
"Yes?" Morris Perlmutter said. "And when did they find _that_ out, Abe?"
"It's an old story, Mawruss," Abe replied. "Everybody knew it in Berlin, only they never happened to think of it until we discovered those letters in the private mail of the Swedish minister."
"And what do they lay the Swedish minister's behavior to, Abe?" Morris inquired. "Stomach trouble?"
"_That_ they didn't say," Abe continued. "But I guess they figure that Sweden should think up her own alibis."
"Well, it's a hopeful sign when the Germans realize that them Luxberg letters sound like the idees of a crazy man, Abe," Morris said, "although compared to Zimmermann's break about handing Mexico a couple of our Southern states if she went to war with us, y'understand, Luxberg's letters ain't so _meshuggah_, neither. So it seems to me, Abe, that Germany would be doing well to say that Luxberg was drunk when he wrote them letters, because later when it comes to explaining the hundreds of rotten acts that Germans has done in this war, Abe, Germany is going to have to think up a lot of excuses, and she may as well keep the insanity defense for somebody who would really need it, like the Kaiser."