It is to this habit of dissimulation, this inquietude with which the onanist is constantly haunted, that Montegre attributes particularly the difference between self-pollution and coition: but this moral torment is far as we shall see from being the only one with which the onanist is affected.
In fact, he constantly experiences a sensation of sadness and ennui, which is impressed on his countenance and which is the natural consequence of restlessness and of the fatigue which he feels constantly. He is sad as one is when suffering, and when debility are felt. This inward feeling of shame which is banished with difficulty when the actions reputed to be bad are often repeated, must also contribute to increase his melancholy and sadness. But perhaps the worst feelings which torment him, are regret and remorse. The exhaustion of his system, his sufferings, the near approach of death often render him desperate. He remembers the time when he did not indulge in onanism: he remembers those who first taught him that vice: his shame, his pains and fears all come up strongly before him. Being the author of his own misfortunes he constantly reproaches himself, and he remembers all that has been said to wean him from the habit. Now picture with these regrets these fears, and the despair we have described, the existence of this fatal habit which cannot be overcome. The onanist knows this danger and yet he cannot break himself of his bad habit.
It can readily be supposed that onanists tortured by the present and by the thoughts of the future which appears to them overshadowed with clouds, have often wished to terminate their sufferings criminally. This has in fact sometimes happened. “I do not believe,” writes an onanist to Tissot, “that any human being has suffered as much as I have. Without the special care of Providence I should find it difficult to support the burden of life.” Some have not the courage to sustain life. Esquirol has often known masturbation to lead to melancholy and suicide. Orfila also mentions among the occasional causes of suicide “the physical and moral disgust, intellectual apathy without any hope of cure which often follows premature indulgences of every kind.” If the resources of nature had been known to those who thus abandon themselves to despair; if they had witnessed, as we have, the rapidity with which the health is restored, when onanism is arrested, if they had believed in the healing power of time, they would have seen that their pains might disappear, their strength might have been restored, and they might have enjoyed a long and happy life. The following case will teach onanists not to despair.