_Wood._ That last, for maids, would be thrown away: Few of your age are qualified for the medicine. What the devil would you be at, madam?
_Pleas._ I am in the humour of giving you good counsel. The wife can afford you but the leavings of a fop; and to a witty man, as you think yourself, that is nauseous: The mistress has fed upon a fool so long, she is carrion too, and common into the bargain. Would you beat a ground for game in the afternoon, when my lord mayor's pack had been before you in the morning?
_Wood._ I had rather sit five hours at one of his greasy feasts, then hear you talk.
_Pleas._ Your two mistresses keep both shop and warehouse; and what they cannot put off in gross, to the keeper and the husband, they sell by retail to the next chance-customer. Come, are you edified?
_Wood._ I am considering how to thank you for your homily; and, to make a sober application of it, you may have some laudable design yourself in this advice.
_Pleas._ Meaning, some secret inclination to that amiable person of yours?
_Wood._ I confess, I am vain enough to hope it; for why should you remove the two dishes, but to make me fall more hungrily on the third?
_Pleas._ Perhaps, indeed, in the way of honour--
_Wood._ Paw, paw! that word honour has almost turned my stomach: it carries a villainous interpretation of matrimony along with it. But, in a civil way, I could be content to deal with you, as the church does with the heads of your fanatics, offer you a lusty benefice to stop your mouth; if fifty guineas, and a courtesy more worth, will win you.
_Pleas._ Out upon thee! fifty guineas! Dost thou think I'll sell myself? And at a playhouse price too? Whenever I go, I go all together: No cutting from the whole piece; he who has me shall have the fag-end with the rest, I warrant him. Be satisfied, thy sheers shall never enter into my cloth. But, look to thyself, thou impudent belswagger: I will he revenged; I will. [_Exit._
_Wood._ The maid will give warning, that is my comfort; for she is bribed on my side. I have another kind of love to this girl, than to either of the other two; but a fanatic's daughter, and the noose of matrimony, are such intolerable terms! O, here she comes, who will sell me better cheap.