For what am I beholding, it is to Nature alone; for as I am ashamed of my birth, so I cannot condemn my Father for not bestowing Education on me, since his condition was so low, yet his spirit so high, that he would not beg himself though ready to starve, however would permit me, which was the sole support of his and my life. I was ten years old before I could meet with any preferment; one day Fortune favouring, she offer’d to my view a Commodity, which with confidence and dexterity I might carry off undiscovered. My hands presently successfully effected what my mind suggested; it was but of small value, the utmost I could get for it was a Link, with which that night I more than trebled what it cost. This course I followed by night, and ran in errands by day, so that I had furnished myself both with Cloaths and Money. In process of time I was admitted as a Servant into a Scriveners House; my Master taking a liking to me, put me to a Writing-school, where being capacitated for his business, he puts me into the Shop, and instructs me in his imployment. I had not been there long before I made my self very eminent, by studying the Law, the Rudiments whereof I understood so well, as I knew how to ingross an Indenture. This made my Master esteem of me, and that estimation made me proud; and being not yet bound his Apprentice, I thought I knew better things than to be his servant any longer, and so left him. Then was I with an Attorney a while, afterwards with a Counsellor, till thinking I had Law enough, I took an House, resolving to see what I could do with it my self. I sollicited several mens businesses, giving a general content, insomuch that my credit and reputation increased dayly. Now did I marry for Wealth, having not the least affection; for her face lookt much like a gammon of Bacon with the skin off. Sometimes I liv’d with her, too long for any delight I took in her; and being resolv’d to be rid of her, this stratagem I used. I shewed her more kindness than formerly, pretending I would do nothing but what I would consult with her about; which so wrought upon her love, that she would have been content to have sacrificed her Soul to my interest; and made her withal so opinionative, that she judged every silly and unsavory expression she utter’d was no less than an _Oracle_. Having brought my business thus far to perfection, I came home one evening very melancholy: very inquisitive she was to know the cause. My Dear, (said I) I will not conceal any thing from thee; such a Gentleman hath injured me, and I cannot rest till I be revenged. Thou knowest my Nature, if wrong’d I am implacable, it is a fault I cannot help. Come, come, said my wife, let us go to bed, and there we will consult. Being there she askt me how we should bring our revenge about? I seemed to study awhile,—I have it now (said I) thou art with Child: he is one tender of his reputation; tax him for being the Father of it, and that will do the work to my full content: very loth she was, because of the talk of the people; but I satisfied this poor silly harmless soul, by telling her that as long as I knew her chaste, it was no matter what others said of her: whereupon she condescended, and had the Person before a Justice, where she swore positively that she was got with Childe by that Gentleman. I presently took advantage of her Confession, turned her off, leaving them both to the disposal of the Spiritual Court. This was my first prank.