"I cannot but take notice of one paragraph of your letter; _that the Directors thought the grant too large, and therefore would not recommend it_: I am therefore the more obliged to the Proprietors, who were all of a different way of thinking.
"I am obliged to you for your advice about my conduct towards the Directors, because I am persuaded you mean me well; but know, Scrafton, I have a judgment of my own, which has seldom failed me, in cases of much greater consequence than what you recommend. As to the support which, you say, was given to my government, when abroad, by the Directors, they could not have done otherwise, without suffering in their reputation, and perhaps quitting the Direction. In return, let me ask, whose interest contributed to make them Directors, and keep them so? My conduct wanted no support, it supported itself, because it was disinterested, and tended to nothing but the public good. From the beginning it put all mankind at defiance, as it does at this hour: and had the Court of Directors thought fit to make my conduct more public than they have done, all impartial and disinterested men must have done me justice. However, that remains for myself to make known, when convenient and proper.
"After having said thus much, I must tell you (though by your writing you seem to give credit to the report), that what Whately is said to have told Wedderburn is absolutely false, as is every thing else said to have been communicated by Mr. Grenville to Mr. Wedderburn; and I can attribute these mean suspicions of the Directors to nothing but their envy and jealousy. However, as I have often said before, and say now, there is nothing the Directors can do shall make me lose sight of the Company's true interest. Upon principle, I would always stand by the East India Company: I am now farther bound by the ties of gratitude. This is the ground upon which I now stand, and upon which I will risk my reputation. No little, partial considerations shall ever bias me."
For three years previous to this time, Lord Clive's mind had been kept painfully on the stretch. He had been compelled, almost singly, to combat a whole settlement, and especially the highest portion of it, in arms against him, eager to thwart and defeat his plans of reform; he had borne the whole weight of the resentment of the officers of the army, whom he subdued by his force of mind and unrivalled reputation; he had paid off a large portion of the Company's debt; had added an immense sum to their revenue, and had supplied them with an unparalleled investment; he had left their possessions in the East, as he believed, rich and flourishing, and in peace, and had returned with ruined health and a broken constitution. In all his trials, and in very painful circumstances, under which most men would have sunk, he had supported himself by the strong consciousness that he was doing his duty, and meriting the applause of his employers and of the world. It is not surprising, that when he thought himself deserted, and believed that he was the object of the jealousy and slight of the very persons whom he had so illustriously served, his disappointment and resentment should be extreme, and that his sensitive and exasperated mind should almost doubt the existence of human gratitude. But this feeling of disappointment never mingled itself with that of his attachment to the Company itself, as at this very moment, when he was giving vent to the feeling of his wrongs, we find him communicating to the Directors and their committees, with the utmost detail and clearness, his opinions on the whole concerns of the Company, civil, military, and political, in various letters of great length. He did, indeed, feel very acutely some appearances of what he thought want of due respect and consideration on the part of the Directors, in their mode of addressing him; but the whole powers of his mind and experience continued, as much as ever, at the service of the East India Company.