I have told myself that it is something I can never, never understand. And that it is all the explanation I have ever been able to give to myself of the presence of this uninvited guest who has dwelt for a lifetime in the secret-chambers of my intuitions, who has hidden there, veiled and mysterious, never shewing a simple feature to betray itself--eye, lips, brow--always remaining unseen, unknown, uninvited, unintelligible--yet always potent, always softly disturbing one's belief in one's ordinary everyday life with that dull roar of cannon which seemed to visualize in my brain with an image of blinding sunlight.
Lying there on the bare mattress, on this drear October day which goes down to history as the day on which Germany set up her Governor in Antwerp, I begin to wonder if my sublimable consciousness has been trying, all these years, to warn me that danger would come to me some day to the sound of battle. And am I in that danger now? Is this the moment perhaps that the secret, silent guest has tried to shew me lay lurking in await for me, ready to make me fulfil my destiny in some dark and terrible way?
I _don't_ believe that that is what the roar of cannon has been trying to say to me all my life.
I can't sense danger--I won't. No, I mean I _can't._ My reason assures me there isn't any danger that is going to _catch_ me, no matter how it may threaten.
"It says, 'People who are haunted with premonitions nearly always disregard them until too late.'"
So occupied am I with these dreams and philosophings that I lie there in the darkness, forgetful of time and hunger, until I hear voices in the next room, and there is the old woman opening my door, and the two little yellow-haired children staring in at me curiously.
The old woman gives me some grapes out of a basket under her bed, and a glass of water.
"_Pauvre enfant!_" she says. "I am sorry I could bring you no food, but the Germans are up and down the stairs all day long, and I dare not risk them asking me, "Who is that for?"
"But why are you so afraid?" I ask. "Last night you were so nice to me. What has happened? Come, tell me the truth."
"Alors, Madame, I will tell you! You recollect that German who leaned over the counter for such a long time when you were washing glasses?"