A noted wag remarked the absurdity of a tradesman putting his name plump in the middle of the words expressing his trade,--a practice very common in London. “For example,” said he, “how ridiculous it is to see _General_ HENDERSON _Fish-merchant_, in Holborn; or _Dealer in_ MASH _Potatoes_, in the Commercial Road.” “Dear me,” exclaimed a young lady present, “I am very fond of mash-potatoes; I should like to _deal_ with that man.” “If you are so fond of them,” replied her informant, “probably you would like better to _board_ with him.”
A barrister observed to a learned brother in court, that he thought his whiskers were very unprofessional. “You are right,” replied his friend; “a lawyer cannot be too barefaced.”
A solicitor, who was remarkable for the length and sharpness of his nose, once told a lady, that if she did not immediately settle a matter in dispute, he would file a bill against her. “Indeed, sir,” said the lady, “there is no necessity for you to _file_ your _bill_, for I am sure it is sharp enough already.”
A gentleman told Lord North, that, from a variety of losses, he had found himself compelled to reduce his establishment. “And what,” said his lordship, “have you done with the fine mare you used to ride?” “I have sold her.” “Then you have not attended to Horace’s maxim,--
_Equam_ memento rebus in arduis servare.”
Three Venetians, whom Lord Byron brought with him into this country, were so dreadfully attacked by ophthalmia, as almost entirely to lose their eye-sight. “What can we do with these poor fellows?” said his lordship, when he heard of their misfortune. “Why,” said Dr. L., “at the worst, we can set each of them up as a _Venetian Blind_.”
A boat ascending the Ohio river was hailed by another boat, when the following dialogue ensued:-- “What boat is that?” “The Cherry_stone_.” “Whence came you?” “From Red_stone_.” “Where are you bound to?” “Lime_stone_.” “Who is your captain?” “Thomas _Stone_.” “What are you loaded with?” “Mill_stones_ and grind_stones_.” “You are a _hard_ set to be sure; take care you don’t go to the bottom. Farewell.”
The above reminds us of another, and, perhaps, more original joke, of which we supply a new edition:--Two ships meeting, the following dialogue ensued:--“What ship is that?” “The _Dam_.” ”Whence came you?“ ”From Amster_dam_.” “Where are you bound to?” “To Rotter_dam_.” “What is your captain’s name?” “Pots_dam_.” “What is your cargo?” “_Dam_sons and _Dam_ask.” “How goes it with you?” “In the last gale much _dam_age.” “What news?” “The _dams_ of Holland overflowed.” “You are,” concluded the interrogating tar, “a _d---d set_; so _d----n_ your eyes, sheer off!”