[_A. M.'s distress promptly relieved by audience._
You who look at home so charming-- Angel, goddess, nothing less-- Do you know you're quite alarming In that dress?
Such a garb should be forbidden; Where's the grace an artist loves? Think of dainty fingers hidden In those gloves!
Gloves! A housemaid would not wear them, Shapeless, brown and rough as sacks, Thick! And yet you often tear them With that axe!
Worst of all, unblacked, unshiny-- Greet them with derisive hoots-- Clumsy, huge! For feet so tiny! Oh, those boots!
[Illustration: SCENE--_Verandah of Swiss Hotel_
_Brown_ (_finishing very lengthy account of Alpine adventure_).
"And then, Miss Jones, then, just as dawn was breaking, I heard the voices of the guides above me, and I knew that I was saved--actually saved! My feelings, as I realised this, may be more easily imagined than described!"
_Miss Jones_ (_fervently_). "Thank Heaven!"
[_And Brown fondly imagined she was alluding to his escape_.
_Visitor_ (_at out-of-the-way Inn in the North_). "Do you know anything about salmon-poaching in the neighbourhood?"
_Landlady_ (_whose son is not above suspicion_). "Eh--no, sir. Maybe it's a new style of cooking as we haven't heard of in these parts, as you see, sir, we only do our eggs that way; and"--(_brightening up_)--"if you like 'em, I can get you a dish at once!"]
_Baby._ Perambulator, bottle, robe, fingerless gloves and woollen shoes.
_Schoolboy._ Bat, ball, and aids to education.
_Lover._ Guitar, music-book, writing materials, and fur-lined overcoat.
_Justice._ Capon in basket, robes, and treatise upon ancient saws and modern instances.
_Soldier._ Sword, uniform case, standard work upon Reputation.
_Pantaloon._ Sausages, property red-hot poker, costume of motley, slippers and spectacle case.
A GREAT TRAVELLER.--Dr. Watts was evidently in the habit of making pedestrian excursions on the Continent, for in one of his noblest lines, he expressly says--
INNOCENT ABROAD.--You are misled in your view that the _Cours de Cuisine_, mentioned in the prospectus of a French school, means the run of the kitchen.
[Illustration: IN THE SWISS HIGHLANDS.--_Brown._ "This is rather a pretty figure. You start on the left foot, cut a drop three--then----" (_Bump_)