Wherever they may go it may be seen How kirk and causay they soop[149] clean. The images into the kirk May think of their syde taillis irk;[150] For when the weather been maist fair, The dust flies highest in the air, And all their faces does begarie. Gif they could speak, they wald them warie...[151] But I have maist into despite Poor claggocks[152] clad in raploch-white, Whilk has scant twa merks for their fees, Will have twa ells beneath their knees. Kittock that cleckit[153] was yestreen, The morn, will counterfeit the queen: And Moorland Meg, that milked the yowes, Claggit with clay aboon the hows,[154] In barn nor byre she will not bide, Without her kirtle tail be syde. In burghs, wanton burgess wives Wha may have sydest tailis strives, Weel borderéd with velvet fine, But followand them it is ane pyne: In summer, when the streetis dries, They raise the dust aboon the skies; Nane may gae near them at their ease, Without they cover mouth and neese... I think maist pane after ane rain, To see them tuckit up again; Then when they step furth through the street, Their fauldings flaps about their feet; They waste mair claith, within few years, Nor wald cleid fifty score of freirs... Of tails I will no more indite, For dread some duddron[155] me despite: Notwithstanding, I will conclude, That of syde tails can come nae gude, Sider nor may their ankles hide, The remanent proceeds of pride, And pride proceeds of the devil, Thus alway they proceed of evil.
Ane other fault, sir, may be seen-- They hide their face all but the een; When gentlemen bid them gude-day, Without reverence they slide away... Without their faults be soon amended, My flyting,[156] sir, shall never be ended; But wald your Grace my counsel tak, Ane proclamation ye should mak, Baith through the land and burrowstouns,[157] To shaw their face and cut their gowns.
Women will say this is nae bourds,[158] To write sic vile and filthy words. But wald they clenge[159] their filthy tails Whilk over the mires and middens trails, Then should my writing clengit be; None other mends they get of me.
This satire levels a rebuke at the Simoniacal traffic in livings, then openly practised by public advertisement affixed to the door of St. Paul's. "Si Quis" (if anyone) was the first word of these advertisements. Dekker, in the _Gull's Hornbook_, speaks of the "Siquis door of Paules", and in Wroth's _Epigrams_ (1620) we read, "A Merry Greek set up a _Siquis_ late". This satire forms the Fifth of the Second Book of the _Virgidemiarum_.