APTAIN" BALLARD, sitting opposite to me in the tea-shop in the Rue de Rivoli, sells me a copy of En Avant, and places the coins with some care in a small leather purse. I offer my St, James's, and "Captain" Ballard reads an account of an interesting counterfeit coin case heard the previous morning at Clerkenwell Police-Court. She sighs when she reaches the finish of the report, and shakes her head and takes two more lumps of sugar.
"Ah," she says regretfully, "kerime, kerime, kerime! You can't stem it; you can't stop it; you can't retard it. On, on it goes, never ceasing, never ending. Ho, if only"
I remark that there is presumably some attraction about the game.
"I never found it so," says "Captain" Ballard, with some tartness, smoothing her blue serge skirt. "It was always jolly 'ard work for me, that I do know. Before I found I'd got a soul I was as much in the thick of it as 'ere and there a one, and I think I'm entitled to speak a word or two on the subject. There was one affair I rec'lect" She stopped herself. "It don't become any of us to brag onless we do it in a spirit of thenkfulness; but it does no 'arm to look back on them bad times, if only we can prove a warning to those dear bretheren and sisters who"
When I manage to stop "Captain" Ballard's oration I ask her for particulars of the incident to which she has referred. "Captain" Ballard stirs the tea-pot, and leaning two elbows on the marble table, tells this tale.
On the day after Sir Benjamin bought the picture at Christie's Miss Ballard was engaged as lady's maid to his daughter. It was one of those strokes of luck which do not occur often (so Miss Ballard says) in one lifetime, and the excellent character produced by the new maid, together with her ability to speak colloquial French, considerably assisted her engagement. This shows the advantage of writing one's own testimonials.
"Now look here, my dear"—Sir Benjamin never spoke to the servants; his young daughter had full control over them—"I want them all warned that just for a day or so this most valuable and delightful Velasquez—I'm sure I can get more than I gave for it if I can only hit upon the right man—this picture will remain here; and I want everybody to keep their wits about them, Maggie, and there must be no loafers downstairs, or anything of that sort. See?"
"I understand, papa. This is Ballard, the new maid."
Sir Benjamin promptly turned his back upon Miss Ballard.
"Ask her whether she's got a sweet-heart?"
"No, indeed, Miss," said Miss Ballard with an indignant air. "I don't 'old with them for a single moment. I 've got something better to do than bother my head about a pack of grinning"
"Because if she had," said Sir Benjamin to his daughter, "she would have had to understand that he mustn't come hanging around here. I hope they all clearly comprehend that."
"I think they ought, papa. We are always reminding them of it."
"Anything else, Miss."
"No, Ballard. Make the acquaintance of the others, and try to work as quietly as you can and avoid all disturbance."
"You trust me, Miss, for that. I don't suppose a more amiable person than me has ever been born on this earth; and as for quietness, why I don't think you'd find my equal. I'm sure the last place I had—it was in the country certainly, but that don't affect the argument—they couldn't find words to express what they thought of me."
"Tell her to go, Maggie," shouted Sir Benjamin hotly.
Miss Ballard, going downstairs, immediately made inquiries in regard to this stringent, and to her possibly inconvenient, rule in regard to followers.
"It's as much as your life is worth," said Cook regretfully, "to try it on. It's awk'ard I admit; but what can't be cured must be endured."
"It don't show much sympathy to'rds your fellow-creatures," remarked Miss Ballard. "I don't see any 'arm myself of one young man calling now and again. One isn't like a 'ole regiment."
"Your young man a army man, may I ask?" inquired Cook.
"No, indeed," said Miss Ballard proudly. "I do draw the line somewhere. My friend is in business on his own account, and doing very well. He 's been away on a—er—kind of 'oliday for some months"
"Months?"
"Oh, well," said Miss Ballard, "if he likes to, why shouldn't he? He gets all his exes paid."
"I wonder whether I know his name?" said Cook.
"No," answered the new maid shortly, "you don't."
"You 've been in good families, I suppose, before this?"
"Good enough."