_Friend._ "Don't call him a liar. Rather say he has a great talent for exaggerating things that never happened."]
[Illustration: A PLEASANT UNCERTAINTY.--_Gigantic Guide._ "Ze last party zat was 'ere--no one knew whezzer zey _shumped_ over or was _thrown_ over!"]
_Angelina._ "There are to be illuminations and fireworks, and they're to finish up with an 'ombrasmong général.' What can that be?"
_Edwin._ "Well, 'ombasser' means to 'kiss'; so I suppose it means a kind of a sort of a general kissing all round."
_Angelina._ "Horrid idea! I won't go near the place, and I'm sure you shan't, Edwin!"
[Our readers, who know French better than E. and A., are aware that embrasement, with only one "s," has a totally different meaning.
[Illustration: HONEYMOONING IN PARIS.--_Mrs. Jones._ "Am I not an expensive little wifie?"
_Jones_ (_who has spent the morning and a small fortune at the Magasin du Louvre_). "Well, you _are_ a little dear!"]
[Illustration: QUID PRO QUO.--_Madame Gaminot._ "Oh yes, Monsieur Jones, J'_adore_ les Anglais! Zey understand bisnesse! For example, zey pay me sixty pound--fifteen 'undred franc--to sing 'La Blanchisseuse du Tambour-Major' at a evening party! It seem a great deal! But zey laugh, and zey say, 'Oh, sharmong! Oh, ravissong!' and it mek everybody sink zat everybody else know French--it almost mek zem sink zat zey know it zemselfs!!! Ça vaut bien quinze cents francs, j'espère!"]
[Illustration: _Tourist_ (_at small Irish inn, miles from anywhere_). "Look here, what does this mean? I left my boots out last night, and they haven't been touched."
_Landlord_ (_with honest pride_). "Thrue for ye, sorr! An' begorr', if ye'd left your _gowld watch an' chain_ out, div'l a sowl wud 'a touched them nayther!"]
[Illustration: 'ARRY ABROAD.--_Guide._ "Monsieur finds eet a vairy eenteresting old place, ees eet not?" _'Arry_ (_who will speak French_). "Pas demi!"]
This popular health resort is now filled to over-flowing. The entertainments on the pier include animated photographs of a procession to the Woking Crematorium, and other cheerful and interesting subjects. The smells of the harbour may still be enjoyed to perfection at low water.
The question of mixed bathing here has at length been set at rest by the Town Council issuing an order that nobody is to bathe at all. A decision so impartial as between the rival factions cannot fail to give satisfaction to all except the captious. Professor De Bach, with his performing dogs, gives an exhibition twice each day at the Pier Pavilion.