The Pronouns were following fast To push the Nouns out of their places,-- I, Thou, You, and Me, We, They, He, and She, With their merry, good-humor'd old faces.
Some cried out--"Make way for the Verbs!" A great crowd is coming in view-- To Bite and to Smite, And to Light and to Fight, To Be, and to Have, and to Do.
The Adverbs attend on the Verbs, Behind them as footmen they run; As thus:--"To fight Badly, They run away Gladly," Shows how fighting and running were done.
Prepositions came--In, By, and Near, With Conjunctions, a poor little band, As--"Either you Or me, But Neither them Nor he" They held their great friends by the hand.
Then, with Hip, Hip, Hurra! Hushed Interjections uproarious-- "Oh, dear! Well-a-day!" When they saw the display, "Ha! ha!" they all shouted out, "Glorious!"
But, alas, what misfortunes were nigh! While the fun and the feastings pleased each, There pounced in at once A monster--a Dunce, And confounded the Nine parts of Speech!
Help, friends! to the rescue! on you For aid Noun and Article call,-- Oh, give your protection To poor Interjection, Verb, Adverb, Conjunction, and all!
Queer John has sung, how money goes, But how it comes, who knows? Who knows? Why every Yankee mother's son Can tell you how "the thing" is done. It comes by honest toil and trade; By wielding sledge and driving spade, And building ships, balloons, and drums; And that's the way the money comes.
How does it come? Why, as it goes, By spinning, weaving, knitting hose, By stitching shirts and coats for Jews, Erecting churches, renting pews, And manufacturing boots and shoes; For thumps and twists, and cuts and hues, And _heads_ and _hearts_, tongues, lungs, and thumbs And that's the way the money comes.
How does it come? The way is plain-- By raising cotton, corn, and _cane_; By wind and steam, lightning and rain; By guiding ships across the main; By building bridges, roads, and dams, And sweeping streets, and digging clams, With whistles, hi's! ho's! and hums! And that's the way the money comes.
The money comes--how did I say? Not _always_ in an _honest_ way. It comes by _trick_ as well as toil, But how is that? why, slick as oil,-- By putting peas in coffee-bags; By swapping watches, knives, and nags, And peddling _wooden clocks_ and _plums_; And that's the way the money comes.