Tell them how you felt yourself unworthy to tread the earth. With prayers and tears you have struggled.
“O God, save me! O Son of God, caster out of devils, save me!” you have prayed.
Tell them how you thought it best to conceal it all. No one should know your wretchedness. You thought that it was God’s pleasure to have it so. You thought, too, that you went in God’s ways when you wished to save the man you loved. He knew nothing of your love. He must not be lost for your sake. Did you know what was right? Did you know what was wrong? God alone knew it, and he had passed sentence upon you. He had struck down your heart’s idol. He had led you on to the great, healing way of penitence.
Tell them that you know that salvation is not to be found in concealment. Devils love darkness. Let your judges’ hands close on the scourge! The punishment shall fall like soothing balm on the wounds of sin. Your heart longs for suffering.
Tell them all that, while you kneel on the floor and wring your hands in fierce sorrow, speaking in the wild accents of despair, with a shrill laugh greeting the thought of punishment and dishonor, until at last your husband seizes you and drags you up from the floor.
“Conduct yourself as it behooves a Countess Dohna, or I must ask my mother to chastise you like a child.”
“My mother has interceded for you. Therefore you may stay in my house. But hereafter it is she who commands, and you who obey.”
See the way of the penitent! The young countess has become the most humble of servants. How long? Oh, how long?
How long shall a proud heart be able to bend? How long can impatient lips keep silent; how long a passionate hand be held back?
Sweet is the misery of humiliation. When the back aches from the heavy work the heart is at peace. To one who sleeps a few short hours on a hard bed of straw, sleep comes uncalled.
Let the older woman change herself into an evil spirit to torture the younger. She thanks her benefactress. As yet the evil is not dead in her. Hunt her up at four o’clock every morning! Impose on the inexperienced workwoman an unreasonable day’s work at the heavy weaving-loom! It is well. The penitent has perhaps not strength enough to swing the scourge with the required force.