"'If any one told me a horse would win, in that tone of voice,' says the pale guy to me, 'I'd go bet against him!' He keeps me sayin' it over 'n' over till pretty soon you can hear me nearly three feet away. 'That'll have to do for today,' says the pale guy. 'Everybody here at two o'clock to-morrow. I'll have the lobby swept out for your entrance, Daniel Webster,' he says to me.
"I tries the back door fur a change next day and they rehearse all afternoon. I'm here to say that pale guy is some dispenser of remarks. At plain 'n' fancy cussin' he's a bear.
"He's got the whole bunch buffaloed, except the chicken. She hands it back to him when it comes too strong.
"'Pixley,' he says to her once, 'your directions call for a quick exit. The audience will be able to stand it if you get off stage inside of ten minutes. Try and remember you are not stalling a Johnny with a fond farewell in this scene.'
"'That's a real cute crack,' says the chicken. 'But you've got your dates mixed. I can shoo a Johnny, even if he's in the profession,' she says, lookin' at him, 'quicker than a bum stage manager can fire a little chorus girl.'
"The pale guy's name is De Mott. He looks at her hard fur a minute, then he swallers the dose.
"The show goes great the first night, far as I can see, but De Mott ain't satisfied.
"'It's dragging! It's dragging!' he keeps sayin' to everybody.
"A minute before I has to walk out on the stage, leadin' Edwin Booth, I can't think of nothin' but what I has to say. I gets one look at all them blurry faces, 'n' I goes into a trance.
"'More than life depends on this race!' I hears a voice say, about a mile off. That's my cue, but all I can remember is to tell him it's a cinch, 'n' say it loud.
"After the act De Mott rushes over tearin' at his collar like it's chokin' him.
"'Don't you even know the difference between a horse and a dog?' he yells at me.
"'If you sees this hound cough it up in the stretch often as I have, you calls him a dog yourself,' I says.
"I don't furget again after that, 'n' things go along smooth as silk from then on.
"The show runs along fur a week, but it don't make good.
"'The waving corn for this outfit!' says the chicken to me, Saturday night. 'The citizens of Peoria, Illinois, will have a chance to lamp my art before long.'