When Lord Chesterfield was in administration, he proposed a person to George II. as proper to fill a place of great trust, but which the king himself was determined should be filled by another. The council, however, resolved not to indulge the king, for fear of a dangerous precedent. It was Lord Chesterfield’s business to present the grant of the office for the king’s signature. Not to incense his majesty, by asking him abruptly, he, with accents of great humility, begged to know with whose name his majesty would be pleased to have the blanks filled up? “With the devil’s!” replied the king, in a paroxysm of rage. “And shall the instrument,” said the earl, coolly, “run as usual, ‘our trusty well-beloved cousin and counsellor?’”--a repartee at which the king laughed heartily, and with great good humour signed the grant.
A schoolmaster asked one of his boys, in a cold winter morning, what was Latin for _cold_. The boy hesitating a little, the master said, “What, sirrah, can’t you tell?” “Yes, sir,” said the boy, “I have it at my _finger ends_.”
A proud parson and his man, riding over a common, saw a shepherd tending his flock in a new coat. The parson asked in a haughty tone, who gave him that coat? “The same people,” said the shepherd, “that clothe you--the parish.” The parson, nettled a little, rode on murmuring a considerable way, and sent his man back to ask the shepherd, if he would come and live with him? for he wanted a fool. The man went to the shepherd accordingly, and delivered his master’s message, concluding, that his master really wanted a fool. “Are you going away, then?” said the shepherd. “No,” answered the other. “Then you may tell your master,” replied the shepherd, “his living won’t maintain _three_ of us.”
Two Oxford scholars, meeting on the road with a Yorkshire hostler, fell to bantering him, and told the fellow they would prove him to be a horse or an ass. “Well,” said the hostler, “and I can prove your saddle to be a mule.” “A mule!” cried one of them, “how can that be?” “Because,” said the hostler, “it is something between a horse and an ass.”
A felon, who was just on the point of being turned off, asked the hangman if he had any message to send to the place where he was going, “I will trouble you with _a line_,” replied the finisher of the law, placing the cord under his left ear.