Onions were dull at fourpence a rope, and wild ducks were heavy, with sand inside, at three and sixpence a couple.
A considerable deal of business was done in flat-irons on New Year's Day, and there was a trifling advance upon them everywhere.
The dividends on pawnbrokers' stock were payable last week, but the defaulters were very numerous. A highly respectable party in the City, in order to provide for interest coming due, is understood to have funded the greater part of his summer wardrobe.
Long fours, in the candle-market, were dull, but the ten and a half reduced rushlights brightened up towards the close of the day surprisingly.
PERSONS WHO WOULD BENEFIT BY CREMATION.--Charwomen.
FORCED POLITENESS.--Bowing to circumstances.
A NAME OF ILL OMEN.--Persons who are subject to fits of toothache, and do not wish to be reminded of their distressing malady, should avoid going down Long Acre.
HAGIOLOGY ON 'CHANGE.--_The Brokers' Patron_--St. Simon Stock.
MOTTO FOR A TAILOR WHO MAKES COATS OF THE BEST ENDURING CLOTH.--_Fuimus, i.e., We Wear._
THE LICENSING SYSTEM.--The big brewer is a vulture, and the unpaid magistrate instrumental to his rapacity is that vulture's beak.
[Illustration: CHRISTMAS COMES BUT ONCE A YEAR
_Cabby_ (_to Gent who has been dining out_). "'Ere y'are, sir. This is your 'ouse--get out--be careful, sir--'ere's the step?"
_Gent._ "Yesh. Thash allri, but wersh my _feet?_"]
[Illustration: _Employer_ (_who simply_ WON'T _take any excuse for unpunctuality_). "You are very late, Mr. Jones. Go back at once, and come at the proper time!"]
[Illustration: _Hairdresser._ "Hair begins to get very thin, sir."
_Hairdresser._ "Have you tried our tonic lotion?"
_Customer._ "Yes. That didn't do it though."]
[Illustration: "I 'ear that Tholomon Arons 'as 'ad 'is shop burnt out!"
"Well, 'e 'th a very good feller, Aronth ith. 'E detherves it!"]
The Rev. Mr. Smirk has brought an American millionaire friend to see for himself the distressed state of the poor of his parish.
[_He'll give them a little notice next time._
[Illustration: _First Workman._ "Wot's it say, Bill, on that old sun-dial?" _Second Workman_ (_reading deliberately_). "It says, 'Do--to--day's-work--to--day.'" _First W._ "'_Do TWO days' work to-day!_' Wot O! Not me!"]