"And now, Sir," said the celebrity, in tones trembling with anger, "what do you mean by suggesting that I tried as a child to slaughter my maiden aunt?"
"That is beside the question. And why did you assert that I had told you that I never did a day's work at the university?"
"Again beside the question. And what did you mean by stating that I had deserted my wife, and turned my children out-of-doors at a moment's notice?"
"But were those statements true or untrue?"
"That you have not received a writ for libel is my answer. But how came you to know these unpleasant details--who told you?"
"When I saw you here, and at my request."
"I do not understand you," murmured the puzzled celebrity. "Why should I tell you all this?"
"You told me all I wanted," replied the interviewer, "because I am a hypnotist?"
"Indeed!" returned the celebrity when he had recovered from his astonishment; and then, after a moment of deep consideration, he gave his visitor the names and addresses of the more hated of his rivals.
Some advance on Peace's journey We may reckon. War's disasters Won't attend this great Chess Tourney. And the Meeting of the Masters. STEINITZ, LASKER, TSCHIGORIN, BLACKBURNE, BIRD, or any other, Whichsoever champion win, Will be hailed as friend and brother. Senlac saw another sight When the Norman whipped the Saxon. This serene and bloodless fight Skill and patience lay sole tax on. Here no arrow ends the fray, (Though _a narrow_ victory may do,) Whereat _Punch_ must shout hooray! Play on, great Chess Masters, pray do! May the best man meet success! (Big guns have had pretty bastings!) And no Battles, save at Chess, Ever stain our English Hastings!
(_At Swearing-in Time for the new M.P.'s_).
The cry is still they come--the new M.P.'s! The difference 'twixt them and us, no doubt, Seems but one letter, but how vast it is!-- They are "sworn in," but we are just worn out!
_Nervous Traveller._ "HI, MAN, STEADY! DON'T DRIVE SO FAST!"
_Hibernian Driver._ "SURE, YER HONNER, AN' I'M ONLY THRYIN' TO MAKE THE OULD MARE FORGET HOW OFTEN SHE HAS BEEN ON HER NOSE AT THIS BLISSED HILL!"]
_House of Commons, Monday, August 12._--"Are you ready? Go!" No mistaking the voice. It was the clear, sharp notes of HEMPRER JOE, ringing from behind SPEAKER'S Chair, high above buzz of talk and bustle of movement in crowded House. Wondering what it might portend, when discovered PRINCE ARTHUR and SQUIRE OF MALWOOD entering simultaneously, after the fashion of the Bounding Brothers from the Breathless Baltic. Only, if you remember, those eminent _artistes_ appeared in ring from directly opposite approaches, advancing towards each other with startling, though graceful evolutions. PRINCE and SQUIRE, on contrary, started from door at back of SPEAKER'S Chair, advanced fair toe and heel to table; walked step by step together along either front bench, till each reached the seat kept vacant for him.