I. REMEMBER THAT OUTSIDE SCOTLAND YOU ARE A GOOD DEAL OF A FOREIGNER.
II. BE ASSURED THAT THE KING’S ENGLISH IS THE LANGUAGE WHICH DECENT MEN EXPECT YOU TO SPEAK IN ENGLAND.
IV. THERE IS NOTHING SPECIALLY CREDITABLE IN HAVING BEEN BORN ON A MUCK HEAP. DO NOT BOAST ABOUT IT.
V. THERE ARE GREATER VIRTUES THAN THRIFT. IT IS BETTER TO DIE PENNILESS THAN TO HAVE BEEN TOO MUCH OF A SAVER.
VI. NEVER UNDERTAKE WHAT YOU CANNOT DO. A SHUT MOUTH AND A SENTENTIOUS AIR WILL NOT SERVE YOU FOR EVER.
VII. DO NOT SET UP TO BE A JUDGE OF ANY OF THE FINE ARTS. YOU ARE NOT INTENDED FOR IT.
VIII. TRY TO FORGET THAT THE BATTLE OF BANNOCKBURN WAS WON BY THE SCOTCH IN 1314. THE DATES OF FLODDEN AND CULLODEN ARE MUCH BETTER WORTH REMEMBERING, THOUGH MOST ENGLISHMEN HAVE FORGOTTEN BOTH OF THEM.
IX. DO YOUR BEST TO LIVE DOWN DR. NICOLL’S SUGGESTION THAT YOU ARE NOT OVER-SCRUPULOUS IN YOUR METHODS OF DEALING WITH COMPETITORS.
X. IF, WITHOUT SERIOUS INCONVENIENCE TO YOURSELF, YOU CAN MANAGE TO REMAIN AT HOME, PLEASE DO.
Never apologise before the offence is a good rule, and in certain circumstances a still better rule is, do not apologise at all. I have not the smallest intention of regretting anything that has been written in the foregoing chapters. But I am informed by a Scotchman who has been kind enough to read them in proof that there is some likelihood of their being misunderstood. This, of course, would be a thousand pities. So that I shall venture on what may be termed, for the want of a better phrase, an explanation. When Dr. Johnson was asked to explain his reasons for disliking the Scotch, his reply was of the vaguest. Lamb also did not quite know why he disliked them; and, on the whole, it is difficult to say flatly why one cannot get on with the simple child of Caledonia. As a matter of fact, my own antipathy always amuses me. Whether it will amuse the Scotch is another matter. But for the sake of their own peace of mind I should like to ask them not to jump to foolish conclusions about various hard things I have said. Since the time of Burns, Scotchmen appear to have yearned for some one who should show them their faults:
Oh wad some power the giftie gie us To see oorsels as ithers see us!