I went down then some few steps, as Judas directed me; and there I saw a world of devils upon the march, with rods and stirrup-leathers in their hands, lashing a company of handsome lasses, stark naked, and driving them out of hell, (which methought was pity, and if I had had some of them in a corner, I should have treated them better) with the stirrup-leathers, they disciplined a litter of bawds. I could not imagine why these, of all others, should be expelled the place, and asked the question. “Oh,” says a devil, “these are our factresses in the world, and the best we have, so that we send them back again to bring more grist to the mill: and indeed, if it were not for women, hell would be but thinly peopled; for what with the art, the beauty, and the allurements of the young wenches, and the sage advice and counsel of the bawds, they do us very good service. Nay, for fear any of our good friends should tire upon the road, they send them to us on horseback, or bring them themselves, e’en to the very gates, lest they should miss their way.”
Pursuing my journey, I saw, a good way before me, a large building, that looked (methought) like some enchanted castle, or the picture of ill-luck; it was all ruinous, the chimneys down, the planchers all to pieces, only the bars of the windows standing; the doors all bedaubed with dirt, and patched up with barrel-heads, where they had been broken. The glass gone, and here and there a quarrel supplied with paper. I made no doubt at first but the house was forsaken; but, coming nearer, I found it otherwise, by a horrible confusion of tongues and noises within it. As I came just up to the door, one opened it, and I saw in the house many devils, thieves, and whores. One of the craftiest jades in the pack, placed herself presently upon the threshold, and made her address to my guide and me. “Gentlemen,” says she, “how comes it to pass, I pray’e, that people are damned both for giving and taking? The thief is condemned for taking away from another; and we are condemned for giving what is our own. I do not find, truly, any injustice in our trade; and if it be lawful to give every one their own, and out of their own, why are we condemned?” We found it a nice point, and sent the wench to counsel learned in the law, for a resolution in the case. Her mentioning of thieves made me inquire after the scriveners and notaries. “Is it possible,” said I, “that you should have none of them here? for I do not remember that I have seen so much as one of them upon the way; and yet I had occasion for a scrivener, and made a search for one.” “I do believe indeed,” quoth the devil, “that you have not found any of them upon the road.” “How then?” said I, “what, are they all saved?” “No, no,” cried the devil, “but you must understand, that they do not foot it hither, as other mortals; but come upon the wing, in troops like wild geese; so that ’tis no wonder you see none of them upon the way. We have millions of them, but they cut it away in a trice, for they are damnedly rank-winged, and will make a flight, in the third part of a minute, betwixt earth and hell.” “But if there be so many,” said I, “how comes it we see none of them?” “For that,” quoth the devil, “we change their names, when they come hither once, and call them no longer notaries or scriveners, but cats: and they are so good mousers, that though this place is large, old, and ruinous, yet you see not so much as a rat or a mouse in hell, how full soever of all other sorts of vermin.” “Now ye talk of vermin,” said I, “are there any catchpoles here?” “No, not one,” says he. “How so,” quoth I, “when I dare undertake there are five hundred rogues of the trade for one that’s ought.” “The reason is,” says the devil, “that every catchpole upon earth carries a hell in’s bosom.” “You have still,” said I, crossing myself, “an aching tooth at those poor varlets.” “Why not,” cried he, “for they are but devils incarnate, and so damnedly versed in the art of tormenting, that we live in continual dread of losing our places, and that His Infernal Majesty should take these rascals into his service.”