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Captain Billy’s Whiz Bang, Vol. II. No. 16, January, 1921
If the day looks kinder gloomy And chances kinder slim, If the situation’s puzzlin’ And the prospect’s awful grim; And perplexities keep pressin’-- If hope is nearly gone, Jest bristle up and grit your teeth And keep on keepin’ on.
Published Monthly by W. H. Fawcett, Rural Route No. 2 at Robbinsdale, Minnesota
Entered as second-class matter May 1, 1920, at the post office at Robbinsdale, Minnesota, under the Act of March 3, 1879.
“_We have room for but one soul loyalty and that is loyalty to the American People._”--_Theodore Roosevelt._
_Edited by a Spanish and World War Veteran and dedicated to the fighting forces of the United States._
_Now that the British are agitating for a change in the American history text books, which, they charge, inculcates our future generations with prejudice against the original mother country, and the anti-British are crying for more, let’s fit-in with something in keeping with the spirit of the age. Let’s introduce a history lesson that is guaranteed to interest the shimmy-shaking school children of this great and glorious jazz age. Therefore, we offer for your approval, Professor Brenton’s “History Up-to-date.”_
Things started off wrong in the beginning when Adam had to give up one of his ribs for Eve, but in spite of this, he, like a game sport, tipped his fig leaf to her upon their first introduction. All ran smoothly until Eve raised Cain, and thus our ancestors (after the monkeys) kept up a constant increase until Noah got inside dope about the flood, whereupon he built the Ark.
Our troubles might have been relegated to the word finis, but Noah stuck up a good old boat and saved his wife, his animals, and their wives. Then Nero played havoc with Rome and made the fiddle famous as the city burned. We’ve been fiddling ever since.
Job next started showing his rights with the off shoots of the chosen people and they said they would stone him to death if he didn’t stop. He came right back by saying, “If you do I’ll turn my bears loose and they will eat you.” The people did, Job did and the bears did. Then Job was King.