"I Sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter" is a military science fiction short story by Isabel Fall, published on 1 January 2020 in Clarkesworld Magazine. The story relates the experience of Barb, a woman whose gender has been reassigned to "attack helicopter" so as to make her a better pilot. It was a finalist for the 2021 Hugo Award, under the title "Helicopter Story".
The story's original title is taken from an Internet meme used to disparage transgender people. Some read the story as transphobic or as trolling, and at Fall's request, Clarkesworld withdrew the story after Fall—a transgender woman—was harassed because of it. This caused a discussion among writers and critics about the merits of art that some perceive as hurtful.
Synopsis
Some time in the near future, the United States is fighting a war against the "Pear Mesa Budget Committee", a local AI government that emerged from an environmental and medical catastrophe on the Gulf Coast. The story is told from the perspective of Barb (a call sign, not "Barbara"), formerly called Seo Ji Hee. The U.S. Army neuromedically reassigned Barb's gender identity to "attack helicopter" to make Barb a better helicopter pilot. As a result, warfare is now part of Barb's gender role, much as wearing skirts would be part of a woman's.
The story interlaces scenes from the war, in which Barb and the gunner Axis bomb a high school and escape from an enemy aircraft, with recollections of Barb's previous life as a woman, and reflections about her altered sexuality: the acts of flying, of controlled violence, are now also sexual acts between Barb and Axis. As they fly home, Barb consoles Axis, who struggles with their reassigned gender, considering that Axis' uncertainty and defiance of their assignment may reflect a "new queerness" as necessary as intentional instability is to combat aircraft.
Publication history
Original meme
The phrase "I sexually identify as an attack helicopter" is a transphobic Internet meme, typically used, according to The Guardian, "to parody the evolving gender spectrum." The phrase originated as a copypasta on the Internet forum Reddit, which spread to other forums such as 4chan, where it was used (peaking in 2015) to mock transgender people.
Fall's story
Isabel Fall's story of the same title appeared on 1 January 2020 in the January issue (no. 160) of Clarkesworld Magazine. The accompanying biographical note read: "Isabel Fall was born in 1988". The story provoked "vehement" responses, according to Wired. Many readers appreciated the story, including the authors Carmen Maria Machado and Chuck Tingle; but there were also many loud detractors, many of whom were social justice activists and queer people. These readers objected to the use of an offensive meme as the title, and suspected that the story agreed with the meme's transphobia, or was an exercise in trolling.
The editor of Clarkesworld, Neil Clarke, removed the story from the online magazine's website a few days later. According to Clarke's initial note, the withdrawal was made at the author's request. In a later statement, Clarke explained that he had removed the story after a "barrage of attacks" on Fall, "for her own personal safety and health". He wrote that Fall was a trans woman, but had not been out as such at the time of publication, and used an intentionally short biography and "negligible" Internet presence. According to Clarke, the story was not a hoax, and Fall was not a Neo-Nazi (as some had assumed because "88" is a Neo-Nazi code). He wrote that the story was an attempt by Fall to "take away some of the power of that very hurtful meme" by subverting it. Clarke wrote that the story had been subject to many revisions and it had been reviewed by trans sensitivity readers, but he apologized "to those who were hurt by the story or the ensuing storms".
Neil Clarke wrote in April 2021 that Fall had retitled the work to "Helicopter Story" in late 2020, and that whether it would be made available again was up to her. Fall said in June 2021 that "the story was withdrawn to avoid my death," rather than in acknowledgment of supposed faults, and commented: "When people approve of its withdrawal they are approving, even if unwittingly, of the use of gender dysphoria to silence writers."
Isabel Fall donated her payment for the story to Trans Lifeline, a non-profit organization that offers support to trans people in crisis. Clarke matched her donation.