Chapter V.—He Seeks Rest in God, and Pardon of His Sins.
5. Oh! how shall I find rest in Thee? Who will
send Thee into my heart to inebriate it, so that I may forget my
woes, and embrace Thee my only good? What art Thou to me? Have
compassion on me, that I may speak. What am I to Thee that Thou
demandest my love, and unless I give it Thee art angry, and
threatenest me with great sorrows? Is it, then, a light sorrow not
to love Thee? Alas! alas! tell me of Thy compassion, O Lord my God, what Thou art to me. “Say unto my soul, I am thy salvation.” So speak that I may hear. Behold, Lord, the ears of my heart are before Thee; open Thou them, and “say unto my soul, I am thy salvation.” When I hear, may I run and lay hold on Thee. Hide not Thy face from me. Let me die, lest I die, if only I may see Thy face.
6. Cramped is the dwelling of my soul; do Thou
expand it, that Thou mayest enter in. It is in ruins, restore Thou
it. There is that about it which must offend Thine eyes; I confess
and know it, but
who will cleanse it? or to whom shall I cry but to Thee? Cleanse me
from my secret sins, O Lord, and keep Thy servant from
those of other men. I believe, and therefore do I speak; Lord, Thou
knowest. Have I not confessed my transgressions unto Thee, O my
God; and Thou hast put away the iniquity of my heart? I do not
contend in judgment with Thee, who art the Truth; and I would not
deceive myself, lest my iniquity lie against itself. I do not, therefore, contend in judgment with Thee, for “if Thou, Lord, shouldest mark iniquities, O Lord, who shall stand?”