The narration of dreams puts slight work on the dreamer, and sorely taxes the mental resources and the ingenuity of the interpreter, but the real labor, the strenuous and unremitting toil to which the unhappy victim of this ritual is subjected by a pitiless practitioner is in the rigors of what goes by the disingenuous name of "free association." This may sound like some pleasant if not spicy and highly unconventional pastime, but is in fact and literally a procrustean bed of torture. The helpless patient is forced to remove her bonnet and shawl and recline upon a couch with her eyes closed. Her merciless tormentor retires to a comfortable armchair in a corner of the room. There, because he is out of sight of the patient, he is supposed, according to the workings of the mysterious masculine psychology, to be entirely removed from her consciousness, so that she can concentrate her mind on nothingness, just as if she were alone by the fireside. Then he starts in with something like the following initiation of the third degree: "What are your associations with the word authority?" You are supposed to respond to this irrelevant inquiry with something like the following idiotic emanations, "Government--Washington--the President--Mrs. Wilson--orchids--grandfather's greenhouse," and if you are entirely resigned to making a fool of yourself, and can abandon yourself to the spirit of this child's play, this is what you finally learn to do, after many strenuous efforts to play the game, and the final attainment of a reasonable self-stultification.
If, however, as is likely to be the case, you are a more or less feminine person, instinctively unwilling to exhibit your mind in _déshabille_, and fatuously intent with a persistency worthy of a better cause on making a good impression on the only person present, you learn to use these opportunities to tell him everything to your credit that you can think of, and by carefully working out, preferably in advance, a chain of passable associations, to present yourself, your character, and your career in the most favorable light. The wide range of possibilities in this process that are open to the designing patient seems to be scarce dreamt of in the philosophy of the gross masculine mind.
