A preacher had ordered a load of hay from one of his parishioners. About noon, the parishioner's little son came to the house crying lustily. On being asked what the matter was, he said that the load of hay had tipped over in the street. The preacher, a kindly man, assured the little fellow that it was nothing serious, and asked him in to dinner.
But the preacher assured him that he would fix it all right with his father, and urged him to take dinner before going for the hay. After dinner the boy was asked if he were not glad that he had stayed.
The preacher, unable to understand, asked the boy what made him think his father would object.
"Why, you see, pa's under the hay," explained the boy.
There was an old Miss from Antrim, Who looked for the leak with a glim. Alack and alas! The cause was the gas. We will now sing the fifty-fourth hymn.
There was a young lady named Hannah, Who slipped on a peel of banana. More stars she espied As she lay on her side Than are found in the Star Spangled Banner.
A gentleman sprang to assist her; He picked up her glove and her wrister; "Did you fall, Ma'am?" he cried; "Did you think," she replied, "I sat down for the fun of it, Mister?"
At first laying down, as a fact fundamental, That nothing with God can be accidental.
Hopkinson Smith tells a characteristic story of a southern friend of his, an actor, who, by the way, was in the dramatization of _Colonel Carter_. On one occasion the actor was appearing in his native town, and remembered an old negro and his wife, who had been body servants in his father's household, with a couple of seats in the theatre. As it happened, he was playing the part of the villain, and was largely concerned with treasons, stratagems and spoils. From time to time he caught a glimpse of the ancient couple in the gallery, and judged from their fearsome countenance and popping eyes that they were being duly impressed.
After the play he asked them to come and see him behind the scenes. They sat together for a while in solemn silence, and then the mammy resolutely nudged her husband. The old man gathered himself together with an effort, and said: "Marse Cha'les, mebbe it ain' for us po' niggers to teach ouh young masser 'portment. But we jes' got to tell yo' dat, in all de time we b'long to de fambly, none o' ouh folks ain' neveh befo' mix up in sechlike dealin's, an' we hope, Marse Cha'les, dat yo' see de erroh of yo' ways befo' yo' done sho' nuff disgrace us."