"Beer" is the fifth episode of the BBC sitcom Blackadder II, the second series of Blackadder, which was set in Elizabethan England from 1558 to 1603. In the episode, an embarrassing incident with a turnip, an ostrich feather and a fanatically Puritan aunt leads to a right royal to-do in the Blackadder household. The episode marks Miriam Margolyes's second and Hugh Laurie's first ever Blackadder appearance with Laurie going on to appear in every subsequent episode of the show.
Plot
Blackadder is having breakfast with Lord Percy when he receives a letter informing him that his fanatically Puritan but extremely wealthy aunt and uncle, Lord and Lady Whiteadder, will be visiting him to discuss the terms of his inheritance over dinner that evening, Percy also revealing they're frightful bores. Before Edmund can revel in his good fortune, though, he summons Baldrick who's using a piece of cheese at the end of his nose to catch mice without success, Blackadder telling Baldrick of the upcoming event. Upon hearing a knock from outside, Blackadder tells Baldrick to get the door and as Baldrick leaves, Percy congratulates Blackadder who reveals Percy isn't getting a cent. Seconds later, there's a crash and Baldrick arrives in, literally holding a door with Blackadder asking for a "phenomenally good" explanation. Unsurprisingly, Baldrick's excuse that it was Blackadder who tell him to get the door has Blackadder firing Baldrick who reveals he and his fellow Baldricks have been a servant in the Blackadder family since 1532, Blackadder adding that so has syphilis before telling Baldrick to get out. As Baldrick prepares to leave, he informs Blackadder that there was a messenger at the door who's told him Queen Elizabeth demands his presence at court as his rival, Lord Melchett is very sick and apparently at death's door with Blackadder rehiring Baldrick seconds later.
Blackadder rushes to Richmond Palace to discover the Queen and Nursie tending to an ailing Lord Melchett, whom the Queen believes to be dying. However, it is quickly revealed that Melchett is simply suffering from a dire hangover, having been out drinking the night before. Blackadder mocks Melchett for his lack of alcoholic tolerance, while Melchett reminds Edmund of his own drunkenness during the visit of the King of Austria where Blackadder wandered naked around the grounds of Hampton Court singing "I'm Merlin, The Happy Pig", an incident Melchett recalls caused shame and embarrassment. Blackadder challenges his rival to a drinking bout, with 10,000 florins at stake. After Blackadder leaves, Queenie tells Nursie she conspires to somehow gain entry to the party.
Upon arriving back home, Blackadder begins to draft a guest list for the drinking party, with Percy's assistance before Blackadder summons Baldrick who is now going after cats with Blackadder wanting to send out messages in the blood of his dogsbody but the effort fails, Blackadder dismissing Baldrick. After that, Blackadder calls on Percy who's already drafting a guest list for the party, Blackadder learning Percy wants to invite his girlfriend, Gwendolyn but Blackadder prevents from happening, stating, "Sorry. No chicks". He then reveals the guests will include Simon Partridge, a perpetually drunken aristocrat nicknamed "Farters Parters" and "Mr. Ostrich" who, according to Percy, is also a "fearful oik", leading Blackadder to comment, "Takes one to know one, Perc", Sir Geoffrey "Here's to the Health of Cardinal Chunder" Piddle, a deranged civil servant, and Freddie Frobisher, "the flatulent friar of Lindisfarne" which has Percy holding his nose in disgust. Things are further complicated when Percy reminds him that the puritan Whiteadders will also be coming around to dinner that same evening which has Blackadder dismayed. Blackadder hastily returns to the Queen and asks that the contest be moved to another night; however, she senses that he is trying to cop out of his promise (since she also knows about his tendency to sing about the goblin when drunk) and refuses to postpone the contest while Nursie mistakenly believes Blackadder is trying to get out of having a bath and wearing a nappy, forcing Queenie to tell her to shut up. Blackadder then agrees to hold the contest, Queenie remarking that she loves it when Blackadder gets cross and sometimes she thinks of having him executed just to see the expression on his face.