Little Bill wot I nussed in 'is by-by clothes; Little Bill wot told me 'is childish woes; 'Ow often I've tidied 'is pore little nose Wiv the 'em of me pinnyfore. And now all the papers 'is praises ring, And 'e's been and 'e's shaken the 'and of the King And I sawr 'im to-day in the ward, pore thing, Where they're patchin' 'im up once more.
And 'e says: "Wot d'ye think of it, Lizer Ann?" And I says: "Well, I can't make it out, old man; You'd 'ook it as soon as a scrap began, When you was a bit of a kid." And 'e whispers: "'Ere, on the quiet, Liz, They're makin' too much of the 'ole damn biz, And the papers is printin' me ugly phiz, But . . . I'm 'anged if I know wot I did.
"Oh, the Captain comes and 'e says: 'Look 'ere! They're far too quiet out there: it's queer. They're up to somethin'--'oo'll volunteer To crawl in the dark and see?' Then I felt me 'eart like a 'ammer go, And up jumps a chap and 'e says: 'Right O!' But I chips in straight, and I says 'Oh no! 'E's a missis and kids--take me.'
"And the next I knew I was sneakin' out, And the oozy corpses was all about, And I felt so scared I wanted to shout, And me skin fair prickled wiv fear; And I sez: 'You coward! You 'ad no right To take on the job of a man this night,' Yet still I kept creepin' till ('orrid sight!) The trench of the 'Uns was near.
"It was all so dark, it was all so still; Yet somethin' pushed me against me will; 'Ow I wanted to turn! Yet I crawled until I was seein' a dim light shine. Then thinks I: 'I'll just go a little bit, And see wot the doose I can make of it,' And it seemed to come from the mouth of a pit: 'Christmas!' sez I, 'a _MINE.'_
"Then 'ere's the part wot I can't explain: I wanted to make for 'ome again, But somethin' was blazin' inside me brain, So I crawled to the trench instead; Then I saw the bullet 'ead of a 'Un, And 'e stood by a rapid-firer gun, And I lifted a rock and I 'it 'im one, And 'e dropped like a chunk o' lead.
"Then all the 'Uns that was underground, Comes up with a rush and on with a bound, And I swings that giddy old Maxim round And belts 'em solid and square. You see I was off me chump wiv fear: 'If I'm sellin' me life,' sez I, 'it's dear.' And the trench was narrow and they was near, So I peppered the brutes for fair.