DAY, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent. This period is divided into two parts, the day proper and the night, or day improper--the former devoted to sins of business, the latter consecrated to the other sort. These two kinds of social activity overlap.
Done with the work of breathing; done With all the world; the mad race run Through to the end; the golden goal Attained and found to be a hole!
DEBAUCHEE, n. One who has so earnestly pursued pleasure that he has had the misfortune to overtake it.
DEBT, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slave-driver.
As, pent in an aquarium, the troutlet Swims round and round his tank to find an outlet, Pressing his nose against the glass that holds him, Nor ever sees the prison that enfolds him; So the poor debtor, seeing naught around him, Yet feels the narrow limits that impound him, Grieves at his debt and studies to evade it, And finds at last he might as well have paid it.
DECALOGUE, n. A series of commandments, ten in number--just enough to permit an intelligent selection for observance, but not enough to embarrass the choice. Following is the revised edition of the Decalogue, calculated for this meridian.
Thou shalt no God but me adore: 'Twere too expensive to have more.
No images nor idols make For Robert Ingersoll to break.
Take not God's name in vain; select A time when it will have effect.
Work not on Sabbath days at all, But go to see the teams play ball.
Honor thy parents. That creates For life insurance lower rates.
Kill not, abet not those who kill; Thou shalt not pay thy butcher's bill.
Kiss not thy neighbor's wife, unless Thine own thy neighbor doth caress
Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete Successfully in business. Cheat.
Bear not false witness--that is low-- But "hear 'tis rumored so and so."
Covet thou naught that thou hast not By hook or crook, or somehow, got.
DECIDE, v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set.
A leaf was riven from a tree, "I mean to fall to earth," said he.
The west wind, rising, made him veer. "Eastward," said he, "I now shall steer."
The east wind rose with greater force. Said he: "'Twere wise to change my course."
With equal power they contend. He said: "My judgment I suspend."