_M.B._ (_annoyed_). Curse, and curse again! [_Gnawing his moustache he falls in with squad._
_Sergt.-Major T._ Prisoner and escort, 'SHUN! Stand at--EASE. 'SHUN. Move to the right in fours. Form--FOURS. RIGHT. By the left, quick--MARCH. [_Exeunt, leaving_ Mary _in_ George's _arms. The howls of execration redouble. Then there is a tense silence, broken by the sound of a volley._
The enterprise of the London and North-Western Railway officials, in designing a button to obviate delays at the gate caused by the new show-your-season order, has (we understand) spurred other lines to a similar ingenuity. Below are some of the latest novelties in ticket-substitutes.
THE POM-POM.--May be worn in any variety of hat. Very suitable for short travellers. A simple inclination of the head permits verification by the inspector. Made in two shades--dark green, covering any distance up to twenty-five miles of town, or red (as worn by anarchists and the staff of the L. & S.W.R.), covering a journey up to fifty miles.
UMBRELLA AND STICK TOPS, unscrewable, faced with plate-glass, permitting the insertion of a ticket, and its easy verification on being thrust under the nose of an official. Special quality fitted with small electric bulb for evening wear.
For those who desire a really striking and chic novelty, that up-to-date line, the Great Eccentric, is reported to have engaged a staff of expert tattoo artists, who will puncture the date and designation of the pass upon the left cheek of the holder. Being not only elegant in design but practically irremovable, these markings will form a permanent and increasingly interesting memento of the Great War. Price according to distance and lettering.
[Illustration: REAL PROBLEMS AT THE FRONT.
_First C.O._ "_I_ TELL YOU WHAT. FIND ME A MAN WHO CAN COOK CUTLETS DECENTLY, AND YOU SHALL HAVE OUR SECOND-BEST PIERROT."]
"THANKSGIVING SERVICE on Sunday, February 18th, Canon ----'s last day as Vicar of ----."--_Midland Paper._
"There is very general agreement in banking circles in the City as to the satisfactory character of the response which has already been made to the new War Loan, but good though it has been, the total must still be small compared with the need, and must fall infinitely short of the figure aimed at, which, of course, is unlimited."--_Sunday Times._