Fear follows crime, and is its punishment.--_Voltaire_.
Responsibility prevents crimes.--_Burke_.
If poverty is the mother of crimes, want of sense is the father.--_La Bruyère_.
But many a crime deemed innocent on earth Is registered in heaven; and these no doubt Have each their record, with a curse annex'd.
A man must serve his time at ev'ry trade, Save censure; critics all are ready-made.
Damn with faint praise, assent with evil leer, And, without sneering, teach the rest to sneer: Willing to wound, and yet afraid to strike, Just hint a fault, and hesitate dislike.
THE ARTIST--"Dubbins, the art critic, has slated my pictures unmercifully."
HIS FRIEND--"Oh, don't take any notice of that fellow; he has no ideas of his own--he only repeats like a parrot what everybody else is saying."
JIGGS--"Townsen can read three languages."
JIGGS--"Magazines, sporting pages and railroad time-tables."
SHE--"No--but I should say her pearls are 'cultured,'"
That is true cultivation which gives us sympathy with every form of human life, and enables us to work most successfully for its advancement.--_Beecher_.
DOCTOR--"Did that cure for deafness really help your brother?"
PAT--"Sure enough; he hadn't heard a sound for years and the day after he took that medicine, he heard from a friend in America."
"My wife is mourning the loss of a ten-thousand-dollar diamond necklace."
"Why don't you advertise a thousand reward and no questions asked?"
"Well, I could make good on the thousand, but I doubt my wife's ability to fulfill the rest of that contract."
William E. Weber of the First National Bank says a woman came up to his window the other day with a cashier's check for fifty dollars.
"What denomination," asked Mr. Weber in his pleasantest manner.
"Lutheran," replied the woman. "What are you?"
MRS. BARR--"Henry, what are current events?"
MR. BARR--"Anything shocking, my dear"--_Life_.
Foote, the comedian, dined one day at a country inn, and the landlord asked how he liked his fare.
"I have dined as well as any man in England," said Foote.
At length a petty magistrate took Foote before the mayor, who observed that it had been customary in that town for a great number of years always to "except the mayor," and accordingly fined him a shilling for not conforming to ancient custom. Upon this decision, Foote paid the shilling, at the same time observing that he thought the landlord the greatest fool in Christendom--except the mayor.