But now there _is_ cause to repine, a Dread portent of what to expect: A bull has got loose in the china And nothing, no, nothing's been wrecked. Where fragments were wont to be scattered Like forest leaves under a gale Not even a saucer was shattered By a flick of the tail.
Oh, say, can this care for the teacup Proclaim that the common decay Is busting the bovine physique up And hasting the horrible day When the bard, too, must take up the story That the halo of England grows dim, Since the beef, whence she gathered her glory, Is void of its vim?
"£25 Reward. Lost, either at Folkestone Harbour or from a Pullman Car, a Gentleman's Fur Coat, lined with minx."
"Miss Trenerry, wearing a coat of rose charmeuse, with white fur collar, and several gentlemen."--_Express and Echo (Exeter)._
"Young Man requires board and lodging in Carshalton; hot and cold bath preferred."
"At the Gare de Lyon this afternoon Rolland was welcomed by General de Castelnau, who embraced him and took his arm to the buffet of the station, where a reception was held."--_Daily Telegraph._
General DE CASTELNAU. "_Donnez-le un nom._"
[Illustration: _Tommy (his first visit to Madame Tussaud's)._ "MUMMY, CAN'T THAT MAN TALK EITHER?"]
_Patient Subscriber._ I'm afraid you've got the wrong number. We're Gerrard 932041. The Society for the Prevention of Wet Feet amongst the Genteel Poor.
_S. P. S._ No, they've given you the wrong number again. We're Gerrard 932041. Ring off, please.
_S. P. S._ My dear Sir, will you believe me that we're _not_ Bond and Lapel? We're Gerrard 9-3-2-0-4-1. Don't let me have to speak to you again, there's a good fellow.
_S. G. V._ Bond and Lapel, dammit! I want----Don't you "tut" me, Sir. I TELL YOU YOU ARE.
_S. P. S._ Oh, all right. Well, what can I do for you?
_S. P. S._ I said, What can I do for you?
_S. G. V._ I'm Major Smith. I want you to make me----
_S. P. S._ Marjorie who? Speak up, please.
_S. G. V._ MAJOR, M-A-J-O-R, MAJOR. MAJOR SMITH. CAN YOU HEAR THAT? I WANT YOU TO MAKE ME A BLUE SERGE SUIT BY TO-MORROW WEEK.
_S. P. S._ A little louder.... That's better. If you'll wait a moment I'll just jot down your measurements.
_S. G. V._ Measurements! What the----! I'm Major Smith.
_S. P. S._ Hold the line a moment and I'll see if we have them. Are you holding on?... Hullo. Major Smith, you said? Sorry, but the fact is we've got two Major Smiths on our books. Would you kindly tell me which one you are?