Gay Meets Girl (; lit. A man does not know what he is missing) is a 2013 Dutch documentary film written, directed by and starring Tim den Besten and Nicolaas Veul. The documentary film explores the subjects of sexual fluidity and bisexuality through a gay man's quest to have sex with a woman. The original Dutch title translates to "A man doesn't know what he's missing" and references a gay man's not knowing what he is missing out on by not having sex with women. The documentary aired on Dutch public television.
Plot
Tim den Besten (age 26) and Nicolaas Veul (age 29) are documentary makers and friends. They both believe they are gay men, however they set out to test the boundaries of their sexualities. Tim is a lifelong gay man who has never had sex with a woman, but is persuaded to lose his heterosexual virginity. The filmmakers aim to explore whether or not "everyone is bisexual", as is the case in some animal species, as well as what the boundaries of gay male sexuality are. Tim wants to find out if his sexual orientation is as fixed as he believes it to be or if he might not be as gay as he thinks.
The documentary opens with Nicolaas interviewing Tim about the issues of homosexuality and sex with women. Nicolaas questions Tim, asking him what it means to be "gay" and what Tim's own "gayness" entails. Nicolaas asks Tim if he sleeps with women or has in the past. Nicolaas encourages Tim to experiment with his sexuality. Nicolaas relates to Tim that, while he identifies as gay, sleeping with women was surprisingly enjoyable and that trying sex with women helped him realize he was not as exclusively gay as he believed himself to be. Nicolaas tells Tim he wants him to have sex with a woman, causing Tim to decline the suggestion and claim he would never sleep with a woman. Nicolaas insists that Tim should sleep with a woman, engaging in a debate with Tim about the merits of sex with women, with Tim eventually agreeing and coming to the conclusion that gay men having sex with women is the correct thing to do. Tim further adds that he has no reason not to try it and that sleeping with a woman would give him a better understanding of his own sexuality. Nicolaas relates that after trying so hard to be gay, including coming out to parents and society as well as being involved in the gay community, it can be very difficult for a gay man to "go back" and start sleeping with women again, but that the stigma shouldn't deter gay men from heterosexual experimentation.
During the documentary, Tim and Nicolaas visit a sex coach to give them lessons on heterosexual intimacy and female sexuality and help prepare Tim. They also visit a bonobo habitat to learn about the bisexual behavior exhibited by bonobos. They visit with science journalist Asha ten Broeke, who offers her view that all human beings are bisexual. Tim arranges to meet a pornographic film actress in France who wants to have sex with an openly gay man. The porn actress, Judy Minx, tells Tim she has only had sex with straight men, but is enthusiastic about sex with a gay man in order to explore the boundaries of homosexuality and go beyond homosexuality's binary limitations. The film culminates with Tim losing his heterosexual virginity by having unsimulated sexual intercourse with Judy Minx, while Nicolaas films the sexual encounter. During their encounter, Tim tries vaginal sex, performs cunnilingus, and receives heterosexual fellatio for the first time. Afterwards, Tim high-fives Judy and gives the thumbs-up sign to Nicolaas, excited that he has just finished having his first straight sex. Nicolaas is smiling and asking how things went, while Tim explains to Nicolaas that the sex was excellent and he was surprised by how easy it was for him to perform. One month later Nicolaas interviewed Tim again, with Tim reiterating that he was glad he tried heterosexual sex and still considered it to have been a very enjoyable experience. However, Tim makes clear that his homosexuality has not been "cured" as he is still sexually and romantically attracted to men.
It was the goal of Tim and Nicolaas to reject the compartmentalization of human sexuality into the categories of "gay" or "straight" by exploring sexual fluidity and bi-curiosity. Tim believes the film was a success because he accomplished what he set out to do by answering whether a gay man could have satisfactory sex with a woman. The answer was "yes", because Tim was able to perform readily and enjoy the experience. Tim described his experience of sleeping with a woman by saying, "Can you be gay and still have satisfying sex with a girl? I did it and it was quite a revelation."