"We pledge ourselves to do our very best, And leave to fickle fortune all the rest. Aided by you we boldly laugh at fate,— And, by the way, half-price at half past eight, 'Tis here that human nature may be learned,— _Vivat Regina!_—Money not returned!"
The play of "Macbeth," _from_ the text of Shakspeare, now proceeded, and the manager's candour in using the disjunctive _from_ was speedily visible. The ambitious thane wore a plaid shawl, commonly called a horse-cloth, and a pair of stocking-drawers, with a breast-plate formed of the brass ornaments used to cover the screws of tent bedsteads. The scene with the witches was thrown into such confusion by the performers not knowing their parts, that it was impossible to say which was witch, and, by way of an overflow at half-price, the rain came on in such torrents at about half-past eight, that in the fourth act Macbeth came on under an umbrella, beneath the shelter of which he concluded the performance. The damp thus thrown on the efforts of the new lessee brought the season to a precipitate close, and Doublethrust abdicated the managerial throne after a short rain, but by no means a merry one.
Wanted a Tutor! His qualities we thus define:— In mind he must be masculine, In politics quite neuter. Of law he must possess a smattering, Sufficient just to set him chattering On the prerogatives of kings, And other less important things. Of how the English crown Has come from William down; How it descended smooth and even, Till from the Empress Maud It was unjustly clawed, By her ambitious younger cousin Stephen. How subsequently John Did try it on; Causing a slight digression In the succession. And how, to come to times much nigher, The title to the crown, Upon the heirs was settled down, Of the Princess Sophia. Wanted a Tutor for the Prince of Wales! No one whose patience ever fails, Whate'er that patience may occur to try, Need take the trouble to apply. He must possess the power Of making learning quite a treat; Retaining nothing but the sweet, And throwing out the sour. To grammar and orthography, To spelling and geography, To Latin and geometry, To Greek and trigonometry, He must be able to impart Charms that will win a royal heart. And this must all be done indeed At railroad speed. He must possess the power of teaching faster Than those who promise in a week To teach their pupils Spanish, French, or Greek, Without a master! He must be competent to give an inkling Of all the sciences that are, Teaching the name of every star, Quite in a twinkling. All those who seek the royal Tutor's place Must be proficients in each modern grace; No one need to the office make pretence Who cannot teach the Prince to sing; Dance, draw, and all that sort of thing, And use the foils without offence. Wanted a Tutor, patient, clever, steady, With knowledge upon every topic, Within each hemisphere and tropic, Like joints at ordinaries, "always ready." He must be in possession Of first-rate knowledge, That can be gleaned from every college, As well as each profession. To matters clerical and lay He must be quite _au fait_. Army and navy he must comprehend, To everything his knowledge must extend; But _nota bene_, by-the-bye, No lawyer, churchman, soldier, sailor, need apply.