"Live within your income," was a maxim uttered by Mr. Carnegie on his seventy-sixth birthday. This is easy; the difficulty is to live without it.--_Satire_.
"You say your jewels were stolen while the family was at dinner?"
"No, no! This is an important robbery. Our dinner was stolen while we were putting on our jewels."
A grouchy butcher, who had watched the price of porterhouse steak climb the ladder of fame, was deep in the throes of an unusually bad grouch when a would-be customer, eight years old, approached him and handed him a penny.
"Please, mister, I want a cent's worth of sausage."
Turning on the youngster with a growl, he let forth this burst of good salesmanship:
TOM--"My pa is very religious. He always bows his head and says something before meals."
DICK--"Mine always says something when he sits down to eat, but he don't bow his head."
DICK--"Go easy on the butter, kids, it's forty cents a pound."
BILTER (at servants' agency)--"Have you got a cook who will go to the country?"
MANAGER (calling out to girls in next room)--"Is there any one here who would like to spend a day in the country?"--_Life_.
VISITOR--"You have a fine road leading from the station."
SUBUBS--"That's the path worn by servant-girls."
AUNT ETHEL--"Well, Beatrice, were you very brave at the dentist's?"
AUNT ETHEL--"Then, there's the half crown I promised you. And now tell me what he did to you."
BEATRICE--"He pulled out two of Willie's teeth!"--_Punch_.
He was the small son of a bishop, and his mother was teaching him the meaning of courage.
"Supposing," she said, "there were twelve boys in one bedroom, and eleven got into bed at once, while the other knelt down to say his prayers, that boy would show true courage."
"Oh!" said the young hopeful. "I know something that would be more courageous than that! Supposing there were twelve bishops in one bedroom, and one got into bed without saying his prayers!"
Courage, the highest gift, that scorns to bend To mean devices for a sordid end. Courage--an independent spark from Heaven's bright throne, By which the soul stands raised, triumphant, high, alone. Great in itself, not praises of the crowd, Above all vice, it stoops not to be proud. Courage, the mighty attribute of powers above, By which those great in war, are great in love. The spring of all brave acts is seated here, As falsehoods draw their sordid birth from fear.