“But before this terrible attack of gout occurred, in despair, to lessen the pain of gout, I had taken hot baths, as near the temperature of the body as possible. On one of these occasions it happened that I suddenly changed, and seemed to be near death. I sprang with all my remaining strength out of the bath: I had felt exactly like a woman with libido. Too, at the time when the extract of Indian hemp came into vogue, and was highly prized, in a state of fear of a threatened attack of gout (feeling perfectly indifferent about life), I took three or four times the usual dose of it, and almost died of haschisch poisoning. Convulsive laughter, a feeling of unheard of strength and swiftness, a peculiar feeling in brain and eyes, millions of sparks streaming from the brain through the skin,—all these feelings occurred. But I could not force myself to speak. All at once I saw myself a woman from my toes to my breast; I felt, as before while in the bath, that the genitals had shrunken, the pelvis broadened, the breasts swollen out; a feeling of unspeakable delight came over me. I closed my eyes, so that at least I did not see the face changed. My physician looked as if he had a gigantic potatoe instead of a head; my wife had the full moon on her nates. And yet I was strong enough to briefly record my will in my note-book when both left the room for a short time.
“But who could describe my fright, when, on the next morning, I awoke and found myself feeling as if completely changed into a woman; and when, on standing and walking, I felt vulva and mammæ! When at last I raised myself out of bed, I felt that a complete transformation had taken place in me. During my sickness a visitor said: ‘He is too patient for a man.’ And the visitor gave me a plant in bloom, which seemed strange, but pleased me. From that time I was patient, and would do nothing in a hurry; but I became tenacious, like a cat, though, at the same time, mild, forgiving, and no longer bearing enmity,—in short, I had a woman’s disposition. During the last sickness I had many visual and auditory hallucinations,—spoke with the dead, etc.; saw and heard familiar spirits; felt like a double person; but, while lying ill, I did not notice that the man in me had been extinguished. The change in my disposition was a piece of good fortune which came over me like lightning, and which, had it come with me feeling as I formerly did, would have killed me; but now I gave myself up to it, and no longer recognized myself. Owing to the fact that I still often confounded neurasthenic symptoms with the gout, I took many baths, until an itching of the skin with the feeling of scabies, instead of being diminished, was so increased that I gave up all external treatment (I was made more and more anæmic by the baths), and hardened myself as best I could. But the imperative female feeling remained, and became so strong that I wear only the mask of a man, and in everything else feel like a woman; and gradually I have lost memory of the former individuality. What was left of me from the gout, the influenza ruined entirely.