952. A lady of rank, dancing one evening, approached so near to a chandelier, that the fluttering plume of feathers, waving to and fro on her forehead, came in contact with the flame, and the whole was instantly in a blaze. The illumination, however, was quickly and happily extinguished without harm; when her husband, seeing the danger avoided, and the thoughtlessness of the act, peevishly and half angrily exclaimed, Surely, your ladyship must be absolutely mad! No, no, replied her ladyship, only a little light-headed.
953. A poor player, in a mixed company, undertook to quote a passage from Shakespeare, that should be applicable to any remark that might be made by any person present. A forward young fellow undertook to supply a sentence that he believed could not be answered from the works of the bard; and addressing the player, he said, You are the most insolent pretender in the room. “You forget yourself,” promptly replied the player, quoting from the quarrel-scene between Brutus and Cassius.
954. At a public dinner, a gentleman observed a person who sat opposite use a toothpick which had just done the same service to his neighbour. Wishing to apprise him of his mistake, he said, I beg your pardon, sir, but you are using Mr. ―’s toothpick. I know I am. By the powers, sir, do you think I am not going to return it!
955. A Leicestershire farmer, who had never seen a silver fork, had some soup handed to him at a dinner lately. He found that no spoon was placed at his elbow. Lifting the fork, and twirling it in his fingers for some time, he called the waiter, and requested him to bring a silver spoon wi’out ony slits in it.
956. A sailor coming across Blackheath one evening, was stopped by a footpad, who demanded his money, when a scuffle ensued. The tar took the robber, and bore away with his prize to a justice of the peace at Woolwich. When the magistrate came to examine into the assault, he told the sailor that he must take his oath that the robber had put him in bodily fear, otherwise he could not commit him. The sailor, looking stedfastly at the justice, answered, He,―he put me in bodily fear! No, nor any he that ever lived; therefore, if that is the case you may let him go, for I will not swear to any such thing.