IN HIS NEW CHARACTER OF THE MINISTER OF AGRICULTURE.
(_With Song_)--"_Here's to the Health of the Parley Mow_!"
(_WHERE THE ELECTRIC LIGHT IS NOW INSTALLED IN THE DUNGEON OF BONIVARD._)
Electric lighting, dear to modern mind, Bright in this dungeon! Switzerland, thou art Too mad for things quite _fin-de-siècle_ smart! Surely the trains, that rumble just behind, And Vevey tramcars, in my thoughts consigned To even hotter place, had been enough To scare SAND, HUGO, SHELLEY, in a huff; Make BYRON cast his poem to the wind! Chillon, thy prison may become a place With little marble tables in a row, Where tourists, dressed with artless English grace, May drink their _bock_ or _café_ down below, And foreign penknives rapidly efface The boasted names this light is meant to show.
MUSICAL NOTE.--The most tranquillising, or even somniferous melodies ever composed, must have been those written by the celebrated LULLI. The first thing by LULLI was a "_Lulliby_."
NEW WORDS TO AN OLD TUNE (AND A SYLLABLE TO SPARE).--Song for the SECRETARY for IRELAND:--"_'Tis all for good luck, quoth bould Rory O'Mor-ley._"
ALL THE DIFFERENCE--between "_Sir_ G.O.M." and "_The_ G.O.M."
(_WITH A VIEW TO CARRYING OUT THE SUGGESTION OF THE INSTITUTE OF JOURNALISTS._)
1. What are the principal duties of an Editor? State what you would do if you were visited by bores of the following kinds:--(1), a friend; (2), an enemy; (3), a proprietor.
2. Show how a political article may be written, saying as little as possible in the greatest amount of space? Give specimens of "writing round a subject" without offending susceptibilities.
3. What are the duties of a Dramatic Critic? Show, by a specimen article, how a critique of a bad play, indifferently performed, can yet be made to give satisfaction to the Author, the Manager, the Company, and the Public?
4. What are the duties of a Special Correspondent at a Seat of War? Give a short descriptive article of a battle written in such a manner that the readers of your paper may learn everything without your getting shot as a spy, or drummed out of camp as an informer.
5. What are the duties of a Reviewer? Describe the process of log-rolling, and give specimen of notices of books:--(1), when the Author is your friend, but you object to the Publisher; (2), when you hate the writer, but must not offend the gentleman whose name appears as the distributor, and (3), when you know nothing of the volume and its producer, but suspect that the Author reviews for another periodical, and that you may possibly get an order from his literary introducer.